


dream has added you to a gc

by Anonymous



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Chatlogs, Chatting & Messaging, Drista Supremacy, Family Dynamics, Fluff and Humor, Football Player Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mutual Pining, Sex Jokes, Slow Burn, Texting, also heartbreak LMAO, chatfic, idiots in general tbh, okay so theres some angst, quackity and karl are besties, sapnap is a dream stan idc, so many sex jokes, so much fucking heartbreak.
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:53:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 28,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29691864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: another hilarious dsmp chatfic that the world definitely needs (lowercase edition)
Relationships: Alexis | Quackity/Jschlatt, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Zak Ahmed/Darryl Noveschosch
Comments: 129
Kudos: 579
Collections: Anonymous





	1. everyone

**Author's Note:**

> small reminder for me bc i will get confused about the usernames sometime or later, also for u guys:  
> dream - dreamxd  
> george - 404notfound  
> sapnap - sadnaphours  
> karl - honkkarl  
> quackity - quacktitties  
> schlatt - jschlong  
> phil - philza  
> tommy - womanmagnet5000  
> tubbo - tubbees  
> bbh - muffinboyhalo  
> skeppy - skepeepee  
> techno - technoblade  
> wilbur - wilbysot  
> drista - dristax3  
> fundy - fuNDYnotfuRRY  
> jack manifold - jackmanifol  
> nihachu - nikuwu  
> minx - justaminx  
> [ each member will be added as the story progresses ]

**welcome _4 new members_ to 'lol funny'! **

dreamxd: LOL funny

sadnaphours: ur not funny 

sadnaphours: why is ur sister here

dristax3: i heard you were talking shit about me? 

dreamxd: i think i accidentally added her oops wtf 

muffinboyhalo: language o.O

404notfound: lololol 

sadnaphours: shut up bottom bitch 

404notfound: ask out that boy crush of yours and then talk to me shitnap

muffinboyhalo: guys it has been 5 minuts please i will cry 

dreamxd: Dw bad, I got you bro 

**welcome _skepeepee_ to 'lol funny'! **

sadnaphours: LMAO SKEPEEPEE 

skepeepee: thx ik im a commedick gekneeus 

404notfound: how did you butcher that so badly 

skepeepee: is a natral talent 

dreamxd: don't you guys have classes to be in? 

sadnaphours: you created this gc and expected ppl not to talk in it? LOL loser 

404notfound: yeah dream, thats like kind of the point of a gc? are u ok? 

dreamxd: stfu

sadnaphours: thanks bae 

muffinboyhalo: keppy how did u manage to fit a whole 'knee' in genius o-o 

skepeepee: is that not how its spelt

dreamxd: and you got into college how? 

skepeepee: sex appeel 

404notfound: you couldn't even spell that right.. 

skepeepee: but i got sex right bc i am good at it 

muffinboyhalo: language 

muffinboyhalo: skeppy nobody needs to know that :( 

skepeepee: jelous? 

sadnaphours: he might be if you had spelt it right 

404notfound: sap dont u have a practice to get to 

sadnaphours: ?? wdym 

404notfound: i can see the football players running laps on the field from here 

404notfound: are u not with them 

sadnaphours: what. 

dreamxd: the cheerleaders are practicing out there too 

skepeepee: oo cheking out the cheerleeders are we??

dreamxd: george u should join them 

404notfound: idk if im that flexible 

404notfound: also computer science and pompoms dont go well 

dreamxd: i think your flexibility would be fine though 

404notfound: you think so? not like im actually gonna join but 

dreamxd: yeah i think so lol 

dreamxd: think you'd look nice in those leggings too 

muffinboyhalo: o.o

sadnaphours: you guys notice how you sound rn, right?

skepeepee: let them flert this is funny 

sadnaphours: skeppy. autocorrect, ever heard of it?? 

skepeepee: idk are they hot 

sadnaphours: i cant do this today 

sadnaphours: cant believe me being late to practice lead to dream hitting on gogy 

dreamxd: WHAT??? 

dreamxd: I WAS BEING NICE STFU???????

404notfound: lol i have a class to get to 

404notfound: bye guys 

muffinboyhalo: have fun ^w^ 

404notfound: bye dream 

dreamxd: oh bye 

dristax3: ooo he said bye to u separately 

dreamxd: shut up u arent even supposed to be in this gc 

skepeepee: what is this gc for 

dreamxd: OH FUCK RIGHT 

dreamxd: please help with the philosophy essay? 

muffinboyhalo: sorry dream i dont take philo TwT 

skepeepee: me neether 

dristax3: doesnt ur other friend take philosophy? 

dreamxd: nope i dont have any other friends drista shut up 

dristax3: ugh come on clay u arent that sad 

dristax3: he has pink hair?? ring any bells?? 

dreamxd: no. 

muffinboyhalo: are you guys talking about techno 

dristax3: YEAH thx bad :) 

dreamxd: yay. thanks bad. memory restored. 

muffinboyhalo: oh oopsie 

dristax3: u should add him to the gc and ask 

skepeepee: yh dreamie add techno to da gc 

dreamxd: sigh

**welcome _technoblade_ to 'lol funny'! **

technoblade: heh 

muffinboyhalo: hi techno ^w^ 

skepeepee: drem needs help wih pphiosaphy esay 

technoblade: okay, does he come with a translator? 

dristax3: my brother needs help with the philosophy essay 

technoblade: isn't that your major, dream? are you that stupid? 

dreamxd: so i fell asleep during class. shit happens. help? 

technoblade: its on aristotles theory of moral development, due in 2 weeks. 

technoblade: good enough for you? 

dreamxd: yeah, actually 

dristax3: don't forget to say ty :) 

muffinboyhalo: dream say thanks 

technoblade: yeah, dream. thank me. 

dreamxd: hey god, me again. i cant do this anymore. come pick me up dude. 

skepeepee: dream were wating fr a ty 

dreamxd: now would be good, god 

technoblade: so you're his friends, huh? 

technoblade: concerning. 

muffinboyhalo: dream is nice owo 

dreamxd: stab me stab me now do it do it please god im ready 

404notfound: i'll do it

technoblade: i'll do it 

technoblade: oh, great minds think alike. 

404notfound: i believe they do. 

404notfound: but i don't believe we have met, i'm george

skepeepee: gogy* 

dreamxd: what the fuck is happening 

sadnaphours: our worst nightmare 

dreamxd: where the hell are you guys coming from 

technoblade: you can call me techno, george. i take philosophy with dream. 

404notfound: that's awesome, is it your major too? 

technoblade: no. i major in english. 

404notfound: i take computer science :]

dreamxd: did i die and go to hell 

dreamxd: is this my punishment 

dristax3: ur so dramatic :/ 

sadnaphours: yeah dream what a drama queen lololol 

dreamxd: say that again, sapnap. i dare you 

sadnaphours: lol do u think ur gonna scare me omg guys gonna hide under my bed 

404notfound: run from the pissbaby monster!! ahhhh!!!! 

**welcome _honkkarl_ to 'lol funny'! **

404notfound: oop. 

sadnaphours: i fucking hate you dream. 


	2. everyone p2

**lol funny**

honkkarl: does this make me cool now 

_\- honkkarl has attached an image._

sadnaphours: fuck

honkkarl: is it not cool :( 

sadnaphours: no fuck sorry i stubbed my toe? 

404notfound: so you decided to share your pain with us in text form. how nice. 

sadnaphours: stfu before i make you 

dreamxd: i think you look cool karl 

sadnaphours: oh fuck you 

dreamxd: what? im only answering his question 

sadnaphours: totally stole my compliment 

honkkarl: so you think its cool too, nick? poggers! 

muffinboyhalo: omg now i want a frog hoodie too :O 

honkkarl: hehe we could totally be matching on campus 

sadnaphours: fuckkkk 

404notfound: did you stub another toe? 

skepeepee: LOL 

sadnaphours: not funny. i am in so much pain. 

dreamxd: why? from your stubbed toes? 

sadnaphours: you know why. it's your fault. 

honkkarl: oh no what happened? 

sadnaphours: fuck fuck fuck 

sadnaphours: gtg 

muffinboyhalo: language oh my gosh 

muffinboyhalo: dw karl he's just going through things rn 

skepeepee: yh bc dre aded u to the gc nd evry1 knos he liks u 

honkkarl: okay, im going to pretend i know what that means! 

technoblade: oh. i'm still in here. 

honkkarl: omg

honkkarl: no way 

technoblade: yeah, it's me, god. don't get too excited. 

honkkarl: techno i read ur paper based on wuthering heights and i have never been the same since 

technoblade: thank you? 

dreamxd: have you read my paper on the concept of physicalism???? 

honkkarl: what now 

technoblade: and english majors score again 

dreamxd: shut up 

skepeepee: i read it 

dreamxd: really??? 

skepeepee: didnt undetand it tho 

dreamxd: oh. 

404notfound: i still have yet to read it tbh 

dreamxd: are you kidding me george

dreamxd: so much for being my best friend 

404notfound: ugh sorry that im too good for reading? 

technoblade: have you read my paper? 

404notfound: the one karl was talking about? if so then yes, it was in the school paper. i was interested. 

dreamxd: MINE WAS IN THE SCHOOL PAPER 

technoblade: not front page though... 

dreamxd: SHUT. UP. 

dristax3: didn't you have it framed

skepeepee: LOL WUT 

honkkarl: did you really frame a paper, dream? 

sadnaphours: LMAO HE DID!! HE DID!!! 

sadnaphours: ITS HANGING ABOVE HIS BED NEXT TO HIS MINECRAFT POSTERS LMAOOO 

dreamxd: worst dorm mate ever. 

404notfound: what other posters does he have? 

sadnaphours: let me check LOL 

dreamxd: so not fair. im not even in there to fucking stop you.

technoblade: instead you're on your phone in philosophy 

dreamxd: so are you. 

technoblade: at least i make it look less obvious 

sadnaphours: LOOOOL 

_\- sadnaphours has attached an image ._

skepeepee: kylie jenner rlly???? 

honkkarl: dream this is so sad 

skepeepee: what kind of virgin has that many posters of celebs 

dreamxd: oh, so you can spell now? 

skepeepee: teehee 

404notfound: well they are pretty 

dreamxd: what? no. i mean like yeah but not as pretty as like 

dreamxd: as other pretty people 

dreamxd: prettier people 

sadnaphours: smooth, dream. 

dreamxd: also i minor in photography so not that weird if you think about it 

honkkarl: dream you can just say you're a straight white guy and we'll get it 

_technoblade has taken a screenshot._

technoblade: blackmail for later. 

dreamxd: oh my god 

dristax3: still better than the minecraft posters imo 

404notfound: it looks like dream has a type 

sadnaphours: short and dark coloured hair? yeah. always been his type. 

dristax3: his ex was blonde though 

dreamxd: can we not 

404notfound: thats true actually 

dreamxd: i really dont care much about looks guys 

dristax3: seems like you dont care much about personality either bc she was a bitch 

sadnaphours: oh my god she was 

404notfound: you deserved better 

muffinboyhalo: aw guys i thought she was nice :( 

honkkarl: wow you guys are really close 

skepeepee: u get used to it 

technoblade: it's a nice photo collage though 

dreamxd: thank you. it was for a project. 

sadnaphours: yeah, he was proud of it so he kept it up in his room 

sadnaphours: should have mentioned that before sending the photo 

honkkarl: dream can i add someone 

dreamxd: yeah, sure 

**welcome _quacktitty_ to 'lol funny'! **

quacktitty: finally 

quacktitty: i mean

quacktitty: HOLA MAMACITAS HOW ARE WE DOING TODAY 

dreamxd: alex??? 

404notfound: hey quackity 

quackititty: when karl told me you guys had a secret gc a couple days ago, i wanted in. 

dreamxd: not really secret but okay 

quacktitty: don't ruin the vibe papichullo god damn 

sadnaphours: quacktitty? 

quacktitty: ooo hola hermoso, i don't think we've met 

quacktitty: *kisses hand* 

technoblade: are we roleplaying now? what the fuck 

honkkarl: sap, this is quackity :))) 

honkkarl: alex, this is sapnap 

quacktitty: omg babe coming in with the introductions mmm ur so fine karlos my beloved 

sadnaphours: babe? 

dreamxd: sapnap dw about it 

sadnaphours: what the hell would i be worrying about dream. i am fine. 

honkkarl: ur scaring him off quackity 

404notfound: sapnap wants me to ask if you guys are dating 

404notfound: nvm he said not to tell you guys it was him who was asking 

404notfound: someone (sapnap) wants me to ask if you guys are dating 

honkkarl: LOL 

quacktitty: does he want a piece of this? sapnap there is more to go around, especially for u sexy 

quacktitty: but no we arent dating LMAOOO 

404notfound: sapnap is slapping me. 

technoblade: i really like the narration 

dreamxd: shut up. you aren't allowed to like anything to do with george. 

technoblade: who says? 

dreamxd: wdym who says? i say 

skepeepee: bachelor number 1 and 2 are fighting roll the cameras 

muffinboyhalo: skeppy you can spell :OO 

skepeepee: on my phone lolz it has autocorrect uwuwuwuwu 

sadnaphours: and he's somehow more annoying 

honkkarl: why did you wanna know if me and quackity were dating? 

sadnaphours: sorry i have practice to attend gtg bye 

404notfound: didn't your practice end 30 minutes ago 

sadnaphours: you're imagining things. 

404notfound: i literally watched you on the field????? 

404notfound: also quackity's dating schlatt dumbass 

sadnaphours: and you didn't tell me this why? 

404notfound: bc funny 

dreamxd: nice one babe 

muffinboyhalo: O-O 

dreamxd: FUCK NO I MEANT IT IN A JOKING WAY OBVIOUSLY GUYS 

sadnaphours: okay, dream. sure. 

dreamxd: oh come on now. 

dreamxd: when sapnap says it, no big deal but when i say it, big deal?? 

skepeepee: snapmap doesn't like george 

dreamxd: what. the. fuck. skeppy.

404notfound: lol what 

skepeepee: LOL JKKKK APRIL FOOLS HAHAHA GOT U SO GOOD DREAM DOESNT LIKE LIKE U NOT AT ALL LMAOOOOOO 

technoblade: it's february. 

skepeepee: well duh gogy wouldn't have fallen for it if i actually said it on april fools 

dreamxd: great save. 

technoblade: also, circling back to the quackity and schlatt thing. what the fuck? 

404notfound: that was my reaction too

quacktitty: guys he isn't as mean as you think he is 

dreamxd: he majors law, how much bigger of an asshole can one be? 

technoblade: hate to say it but dream is right. are you okay? 

quacktitty: he's funny and hot guys 

404notfound: still a dickhead 

quacktitty: hold on a second 

sadnaphours: ??

**welcome _jschlong_ to 'lol funny'! **

jschlong: i heard yall were talking shit 

skepeepee: LMAO BUSTED 

dreamxd: hello again, schlatt. 

jschlong: uh hello again, person? 

technoblade: lol he doesn't remember you 

jschlong: you can't say much either user technoblade 

technoblade: what the fuck 

dreamxd: prick 


	3. the bird and the pop tart.

**lol funny**

dreamxd: hey gang about to end it all 

technoblade: now i call that an entrance 

dreamxd: does anyone have something to say before i go 

sadnaphours: dream.. 

sadnaphours: it wasn't george who ate the last pop tart..

dreamxd: sapnap.. you couldn't have... 

sadnaphours: yeah.. 

sadnaphours: it was 

sadnaphours: *shaky hands* 

technoblade: i think i might end it all in a minute :) 

sadnaphours: it was... *cries* 

dreamxd: nick, we can talk about this.. 

sadnaphours: IT WAS A BIRD 

dreamxd: what

technoblade: what 

404notfound: what.

skepeepee: waht 

dreamxd: you. you YOU GAVE MY POP TART TO A BIRD???? 

sadnaphours: IT FLEW IN THROUGH THE WINDOW IT WAS EITHER MY LIFE OR THE POP TART BESTIE IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU 

dreamxd: ALWAYS PUT YOUR LIFE AFTER THE POP TART SAPNAP. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO FIND GOOD FOOD THESE DAYS? 

404notfound: wouldn't be so hard if you bothered to shop 

sadnaphours: don't you sleep all day george? your bed is calling. 

404notfound: have to finish an assignment 

dreamxd: get to it then. 

sadnaphours: shoo shoo now 

sadnaphours: the men are talking 

404notfound: can't wait until the day you idiots die from my bare hands :] 

technoblade: i can help with that 

dreamxd: shoo shoo. 

dreamxd: ahem 

dreamxd: A BIRD?? 

sadnaphours: IT WAS LOOKING AT ME LIKE A MEAL 

sadnaphours: i mean i am a meal, have you seen me?

sadnaphours: BUT THATS NOT THE POINT HOMIE I WAS SCARED 

dreamxd: IT WAS PROBABLY MORE SCARED OF YOU. YOU PLAY FOOTBALL FOR FUCKS SAKE. TACKLE IT. 

sadnaphours: I TACKLE GROWN ASS MEN NOT BIRDS, DREAM. 

dreamxd: WELL IT WOULDN'T HAVE HURT TO TRY 

honkkarl: good morning guys 

sadnaphours: YOU TRY IT NEXT TIME DUMB BITCH, YOUR POP TART YOUR PROBLEM. 

sadnaphours: hi karl 

sadnaphours: KARL

sadnaphours: FUCK HI 

dreamxd: fucking simp 

honkkarl: shouldnt u guys be sleeping lol whats with the caps 

dreamxd: sapnap gave my fudge pop tart to a bird 

sadnaphours: dream would rather have me die to a wild beast than sacrifice his pop tart 

dreamxd: now listen here you little shit 

sadnaphours: I AM YOUR BEST FRIEND BRO 

dreamxd: why did u lie to me if we're best friends. i loved that pop tart. 

sadnaphours: you would have been mad at me if i told you the truth and everyone knows you can never be mad at george :( 

dreamxd: so not true but ok 

skepeepee: well,, 

dreamxd: shut it. 

honkkarl: dream it's a pop tart 

dreamxd: pop tarts are a luxury in this world, karl. 

dreamxd: i am a struggling student trying to make it through college and the only thing that can help me are fudge pop tarts. 

dreamxd: pop tarts are like to me what cartoon network is like to you. 

honkkarl: ...

honkkarl: sapnap how could u do that to dream 

sadnaphours: WHAT 

dreamxd: :) 

jschlong: what the fuck is wrong with all of you 

jschlong: it's 5 in the morning, some people are trying to have sex in peace. 

technoblade: i suddenly don't like it here anymore

404notfound: schlatt have u done the business assignment and can i have some help 

jschlong: i would love to help you for the right price 

404notfound: nvm 

jschlong: oh come on, nudes are free. 

404notfound: don't you have a boyfriend 

jschlong: don't you have a fat ass 

**_dreamxd_ has removed _jschlong_**

dreamxd: smiles 

technoblade: this is the only time i have ever liked you 

_**jschlong, dreamxd** _

jschlong: add me back 

_\- jschlong has attached an image._

dreamxd: is that real 

jschlong: do you want to find out 

dreamxd: no but im not adding you back lol 

jschlong: *cocks gun* 

**lol funny**

**welcome _jschlong_ to 'lol funny'! **

dreamxd: he has a gun 

technoblade: i hate mortals. 

honkkarl: where's quackity when you need him 

jschlong: dead :) 

_\- jschlong has attached an image._

skepeepee: kyuut 

technoblade: please god tell me you don't actually spell 'cute' like that 

skepeepee: hehe 

404notfound: idk if he's actually dead or sleeping 

jschlong: what the fuck do you think 

sadnaphours: honestly? 

sadnaphours: dead 

jschlong: you're all virgins and it shows 

dreamxd: i cant do this today 

skepeepee: im jst happy bad is slepin

honkkarl: its nice to see you're taking care of him 

jschlong: in more ways than one, if you know what i mean 

technoblade: and this is when i leave 

technoblade: goodnight everyone excluding schlatt 

jschlong: don't be shy, say goodnight to me. 

sadnaphours: techno run, i'll take the bullet for u homie 

technoblade: oh what i would give for the sweet release of death 

dreamxd: english majors, am i right? 

404notfound: stfu dream you started the conversation by saying you were gonna end it all 

dreamxd: i'm 5 assignments behind george i can't do it anymore 

sadnaphours: down bad, huh? 

dreamxd: karl, mind sending some more pics of the frog hoodie again? 

sadnaphours: lmao i hope you get run over 

dreamxd: love u brother 

honkkarl: i would but im too sleepy :( 

honkkarl: sleepy fit check tho :) 

_\- honkkarl has attached an image._

sadnaphours: you look comfortable 

honkkarl: not rlly i've been up all night waiting for alex to come back to the room :(( 

honkkarl: didn't know he was spending the night at schlatts 

dreamxd: whats ur obsession with putting your thumb up in every pic 

sadnaphours: stfu dream its cute 

sadnaphours: cool* i meant cool sorry karl 

honkkarl: hehe its ok :) 

honkkarl: and it is cool, ty sap 

404notfound: when they're both oblivious: 

dreamxd: tell me about it 

skepeepee: lik u guys cn say much 

dreamxd: what was that skeppy? still thinking its april? 

skepeepee: i could expose you in seconds. 

dreamxd: oh yeah? i wonder how bads doing 

skepeepee: oh? so you have chosen death?? 

dreamxd: oh? so you have chosen to spell correctly?? 

404notfound: ok and i've chosen to give up on this assignment and go to bed 

404notfound: see you guys at sapnaps practice tmr 

dreamxd: gn ily 

404notfound: gn u2 

sadnaphours: love u gogy sleep well kiss kiss xoxox 

404notfound: shut the fuck up 

404notfound: ly2 

sadnaphours: yeah we're soulmates, he just won't admit it yet 

honkkarl: lmao ok 

dreamxd: karl doesn't even believe that 

skepeepee: my soulmate is me nd sex 

jschlong: you and me both. 

dreamxd: how to delete a gc 

sadnaphours: i think im gonna do a george and sleep 

dreamxd: me too 

skepeepee: wht about ur 5 assignemts 

dreamxd: .

dreamxd: turns out sleep is cancelled for a couple days :D 


	4. the minors.

**lol funny**

**welcome _womanmagnet5000_ and _tubbees_ to 'lol funny'! **

womanmagnet5000: WE'RE IN TUBBO 

skepeepee: wht the fck 

womanmagnet5000: tubbo we must be careful, there is an old man here

skepeepee: where 

tubbees: he's talking tommy 

skepeepee: who 

skepeepee: ME??

womanmagnet5000: he's aware of his presence 

dreamxd: LMAO JUST DYED ALL OF SAPNAPS CLOTHES PINK. FEELING SO GOOD. 

tubbees: tommy theres another one 

dreamxd: who the fuck 

womanmagnet5000: ARE U THE EPIC DREAM OF COLLEGE 

dreamxd: i like the sound of that so yes 

womanmagnet5000: HELLO I AM TOMMY WE MET ONCE 

dreamxd: i meet a lot of people so idk if i could remember you lol 

womanmagnet5000: IT WAS AT A HALLOWEEN PARTY LAST YEAR. I CAME AS TECHNOBLADE. 

dreamxd: LMAO OH YOU DID THE FUNNIEST IMPRESSION OF HIM

womanmagnet5000: YES THAT IS ME THE FUNNY ONE 

womanmagnet5000: THE ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THAT I GET BITCHES 

404notfound: good morning 

tubbees: it is not morning it is 7pm are u ok 

404notfound: you'll get used to it 

dreamxd: george has a bad sleep schedule 

404notfound: not true. i just sleep too much 

womanmagnet5000: HELLO GOGY DO U REMEMBER ME I AM TECHNOS FUNNY BROTHER 

404notfound: wilbur? 

womanmagnet5000: what the fuck did you just say to me bitch 

technoblade: why are you here and how 

womanmagnet5000: why didnt u tell me u had friends 

womanmagnet5000: me and wil thought u finally got a gf with all the time u now spend on ur phone 

dreamxd: LMAO 

technoblade: why. are. you. here. 

womanmagnet5000: hijacked ur phone LOL 

womanmagnet5000: that reminds me 

**welcome _wilbysot_ to 'lol funny'! **

wilbysot: hot. 

404notfound: hi wilbur 

wilbysot: hi george, just woke up? 

404notfound: yh :/ had a hard night 

womanmagnet5000: hello wilbur acknowledge me instead i am better and funnier 

wilbysot: hi tommy 

womanmagnet5000: why do u know george he is boring and lame 

wilbysot: we're literally roommates, tommy. you've met him on multiple occasions. 

womanmagnet5000: i didn't ask how, i asked why. 

honkkarl: have you guys seen sapnap 

tubbees: hello 

honkkarl: oh hi :) 

tubbees: i am tubbo 

honkkarl: i'm karl, nice to meet you 

womanmagnet5000: oh there are two of them 

womanmagnet5000: lol imagine being nice could not be me as i am too cool for kindness 

tubbees: tommy u cried at sad dog videos yestdday 

womanmagnet5000: tubbo u do not exist to me 

tubbees: :( 

dreamxd: sapnaps crying in his room rn karl 

honkkarl: oh no what happened 

dreamxd: all of his clothes are pink and he has a date tomorrow 

honkkarl: a date?? 

womanmagnet5000: IS IT A HOT WOMAN I AM GOOD WITH HOT WOMEN I CAN TEACH SAPNAP HOW TO BE GOOD WITH HOT WOMEN 

404notfound: arent u 11 

womanmagnet5000: I AM 16 

dreamxd: it's some girl from the cheer team i think 

404notfound: well that makes one of us. i haven't been on a date in months 

dreamxd: do u really count ur awkward coffee grab with minx as a date 

404notfound: for my ego, yes. 

womanmagnet5000: who is minx 

dreamxd: george's gf 

404notfound: she's a friend from biology 

womanmagnet5000: how do u have a gf u cant get bitches 

dreamxd: exactly what i said 

404notfound: NOT my gf and yes i can get bitches. 

dreamxd: literally just told us you haven't been on a date in months 

404notfound: ok and? you haven't either 

dreamxd: i never said i got bitches tho 

womanmagnet5000: do not worry dream u probably get more bitches than gogy 

sadnaphours: so true womanmagnet5000 

sadnaphours: does anyone have spare clothes i can borrow 

jschlong: yes. come over ;) 

sadnaphours: does anyone else 

dreamxd: borrow mine 

sadnaphours: no. i have lost all faith in you. 

dreamxd: for my pop tart. 

sadnaphours: ykw dream im gonna say it 

dreamxd: say it. 

sadnaphours: i don't and never did give a fuck about your pop tart. 

womanmagnet5000: is this what people call college drama bc it is boring 

womanmagnet5000: any sex people in chat 

skepeepee: u called 

womanmagnet5000: no not u. u are old. 

skepeepee: u dnt even kno me 

womanmagnet5000: nothing. i hear nothing. 

jschlong: im a sex people 

womanmagnet5000: hello schlatt do u remember me 

jschlong: wilbur's younger brother. yes. 

womanmagnet5000: never call me that again 

wilbysot: hi schlatt 

jschlong: hi babe, send pics? 

wilbysot: no :) 

womanmagnet5000: wilbur would it be funny if i added dad to the gc 

wilbysot: no, definitely not. 

womanmagnet5000: i am doing it bc i am scared of schlatt 

jschlong: *cocks gun* 

wilbysot: don't. 

jschlong: i got a special type of gun for u wilbur 

wilbysot: oh? 

jschlong: my penis 

wilbysot oh. 

tubbees: i like college 

womanmagnet5000: tubbo do not be tempted we will not give into the old people 

tubbees: sorry tommy ur so right 

womanmagnet5000: im always right

technoblade: pain. 

**welcome _philza_ to 'lol funny'! **

technoblade: tommy is bothering my friends father 

dreamxd: lol we're his friends 

technoblade: i didn't mean you. 

dreamxd: ok that's just mean 

womanmagnet5000: dad we were wrong techno doesn't have a gf he is still lonely 

wilbysot: dad tommy ate my english essay 

womanmagnet5000: what. 

philza: wilbur, although believable, i highly doubt that 

wilbysot: dad i dropped my english essay in the toilet and accidentally flushed it 

dreamxd: why has this turned into a family reunion 

philza: hello, clay. 

dreamxd: hi sir i swear im working on sending in that math theory work 

philza: its 3 weeks overdue, clay 

dreamxd: like i said, im working on it 

404notfound: hi prof, clay's been slacking off 

404notfound: said he had 'too many bitches to worry about' than to do his maths work 

dreamxd: WHAT 

dreamxd: is this bc i said u didnt get bitches george dont do this to me 

404notfound: :] 

philza: i really dont get paid enough for this 

philza: i'll give you 2 more days to hand in the work, clay. i know it's stressful. 

dreamxd: thanks sir, this is why we're homies 

philza: make that one more day. 

dreamxd: brb gonna cry 

sadnaphours: hey mr philza can u grade his paper badly bc he ruined my chances to get a gf 

honkkarl: im sure she'll like you either way. pink clothes are cool.

sadnaphours: you think so?

honkkarl: yeah pink is so manly and it'd look nice on you 

tubbees: this is deffo flerting 

jschlong: i remember when wil and i used to flirt like this 

wilbysot: never happened. can't remember. 

jschlong: just bc i have a bf now doesn't mean im used goods babe 

jschlong: come over 

wilbysot: @quacktitty put him on a leash 

quacktitty: he'd probably like that, wilbur 

jschlong: threesome? 

quacktitty: finish your assignments. 

jschlong: lol ok dad 

quacktitty: don't. 

jschlong: daddy? 

quacktitty: just stop talking 

wilbysot: how do you do it 

quacktitty: a lot of willpower. 

quacktitty: also im sexy as fuck papi 

honkkarl: quackity :( 

quacktitty: hi hermoso 

honkkarl: u said u were gonna help me with my visual arts hw :(( 

quacktitty: oh shit sorry been busy 

honkkarl: its ok but idk when its due and im struggling a lot 

dreamxd: hold on. 

**welcome _fuNDYnotfuRRY_ to 'lol funny'! **

honkkarl: ?? 

dreamxd: fundy takes visual arts :) 

honkkarl: oh omg 

honkkarl: tysm dream 

quacktitty: i'll make it up to you with some taco bell 

honkkarl: ok :) 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: hello 

jschlong: don't u mean meow 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: it's been 5 seconds 

womanmagnet5000: i love the furry community i am a massive fan 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: im going to do a favour for dream and then im leaving. 

honkkarl: me!! im the favour!! 

honkkarl: can u help with the assignment pls

fuNDYnotfuRRY: sure what do u need 

jschlong: arf arf bark 

honkkarl: um 

honkkarl: when is it due? also i need inspiration like really badly 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: it's due next friday. can't help you in the inspo department. 

honkkarl: i need a model so badly fundy pls i can't do anything without a reference 

404notfound: you guys are using models? 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: anatomy work and stuff. 

wilbysot: by favour for dream, do you mean that..

sadnaphours: NO WAY LMAO 

dreamxd: fundy appreciates my sexiness. 

quacktitty: tell me when he finds it 

womanmagnet5000: LOL get owned 

technoblade: what could dream have that stands out? 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: well you were gonna be my second choice, techno. i wanted to paint ur nice hair. 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: but im focusing on dream's hands at the moment. hair and hands are the two things i need work on. 

404notfound: dream does have nice hands tbh 

muffinboyhalo: o.o 

skepeepee: bad were hve u been 

muffinboyhalo: sorry skeppy :( 

muffinboyhalo: volunteer work 

honkkarl: skeppy do u wanna be my model 

skepeepee: wht 

honkkarl: i like ur features, is that ok? 

skepeepee: ur gonna paint me? 

honkkarl: yes :) 

skepeepee: cn i see the paintng aftr 

dreamxd: oh my god skeppy just say yes, karl is struggling here. 

honkkarl: please 

skepeepee: well duh i wnt to be drawn and i trst karls skils 

sadnaphours: dont u guys use nude models 

skepeepee: WHAT 

dreamxd: ur so dumb sapnap 

sadnaphours: what?? im just saying 

technoblade: dream are u nude modelling for fundy 

jschlong: bark bark woof 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: we work on nude models in class and that isn't supposed to be happening for a while. 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: also schlatt u really arent funny 

jschlong: what did you say 

quacktitty: sigh 

jschlong: *cocks gun* 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: what the fuck 

jschlong: im not kidding bitch. 

_\- jschlong has attached a video._

fuNDYnotfuRRY: IS THAT ALLOWED 

jschlong: no face, no case. 

philza: schlatt. 

jschlong: beg for my forgiveness, fundy. 

jschlong: i'm the funniest man in here, say it. 

philza: schlatt, we don't allow weapons on school grounds. 

jschlong: i don't report to you 

philza: but i can get you expelled for that and i would hate to see a student with so much potential go. 

jschlong: lmao ok try it old man. 

wilbysot: dad he's just kidding 

technoblade: good, it was beginning to get boring in here. 

wilbysot: techno 

jschlong: still waiting for that apology 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: is he serious 

wilbysot: no. 

philza: don't worry, fundy 

technoblade: i hope so 

jschlong: want to test it? 

quacktitty: don't listen to him 

honkkarl: i really don't like all the different responses 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: my life is on the line guys gotta go 

jschlong: pussy


	5. the ladybug theory.

**lol funny**

tubbees: gays 

tubbees: gys* 

tubbees: gus* 

tubbees: gyus* 

skepeepee: gueys* 

dreamxd: oh my god dont join in 

skepeepee: i am tryn to hlp 

womanmagnet5000: guys* 

jschlong: should have left it at gays 

womanmagnet5000: tubbo what do u want 

tubbees: why dnt ppl recognise ladybug and cat noir 

womanmagnet5000: what. 

honkkarl: i am here now. 

honkkarl: such a valid question tubbo, let us discuss further 

tubbees: i was only curios bc when ppl get akumatized ldbug and cat know who it is but they cnt figur out who each othr are 

honkkarl: right?? like ladybug literally looks like herself but with a mask and all cat noir has that separates himself from adrien is different eyes and darker hair. 

dreamxd: what and what now 

womanmagnet5000: i think its a tv show dream 

dreamxd: no shit, i thought they were talking about real life events. 

womanmagnet5000: why would this be something to do with real life events, dream? are u stupid 

dreamxd: oh my fucking god 

technoblade: yet you didn't deny the fact that you're stupid. interesting. 

dreamxd: im not stupid. 

technoblade: you say that now. 

404notfound: who cares about ladybug and cat noir, can we all agree that luka is hot 

honkkarl: yes. agreed. 

dreamxd: not you too george 

womanmagnet5000: gogy is dumb ofc he likes dumb shows 

tubbees: its not a dumb show :( 

womanmagnet5000: okay tubbo i am sorry 

honkkarl: maybe its magic 

tubbees: oh? 

honkkarl: like when they transform, maybe theres like a weird magic seal that disguises them better to the public 

404notfound: yeah that or they're just really fucking stupid 

muffinboyhalo: language 

muffinboyhalo: but i always thought people just didn't actually know what they looked like, like an illusion or something bc when chloe was impersonating ladybug, people actually believed it was her despite the obvious change in hair colour ^w^ 

jschlong: can we talk about sex now 

muffinboyhalo: language :( 

honkkarl: thats actually a good point bad 

skepeepee: we shld watch ths show tgther bad 

muffinboyhalo: okay skeppy :D 

wilbysot: we should talk about hamilton 

womanmagnet5000: gross who let the theatre major speak 

wilbysot: ur literally still in high school shut up 

jschlong: babe we've known each other for 2 years and i didn't know u majored in theatre. 

404notfound: do you ever pay attention to anyone but yourself? 

jschlong: obviously, i have a bf to please. 

wilbysot: it isn't my only major. i just don't talk about it a lot. 

jschlong: babe we'd be such a dynamic duo. the law major and the theatre kid, that's some scary shit. 

wilbysot: call me babe one more time and i might drop out 

technoblade: missing my life when it didn't have people like schlatt in it 

dreamxd: me too 

technoblade: that includes people like you. 

dreamxd: thanks i dont like u either. 

muffinboyhalo: i think we need more positive energy o-o 

honkkarl: ykw bad? i think so too! 

**welcome _nikuwu_ to 'lol funny'! **

jschlong: nikuwu? are you fucking kidding me? 

nikuwu: hello to you too jschlatt 

tubbees: hello niki 

nikuwu: hi tubbo :) 

tubbees: do u wtch ladybug and cat noir 

nikuwu: no im srry :( 

tubbes: it ok 

muffinboyhalo: hi niki! 

skepeepee: hllo niki 

dreamxd: niki can u tell techno to leave me alone 

nikuwu: get along 

technoblade: this isn't fair 

philza: treat others how you want to be treated. 

technoblade: killed without hesitation. 

philza: techno, no. 

nikuwu: techno do u need a hug :) 

technoblade: honestly? yes. 

wilbysot: niki thank god 

nikuwu: hello wil! i've missed u 

wilbysot: missed u too 

wilbysot: it's been so bad here without u niki 

womanmagnet5000: in tubbo's words, this is deffo flerting. 

nikuwu: hello tommy 

womanmagnet5000: are u and wilbur dating 

jschlong: yes 

wilbysot: nobody listen to him 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: i've stopped listening to him since the gun incident 

jschlong: still waiting for an apology. 

jschlong: i didn't get a gun permit by doing nothing, fundy. 

philza: schlatt. do i need to send you to the council? 

jschlong: do it. see what happens. 

jschlong: cant afford to lose me anyway, im all this school has. 

wilbysot: cocky but true. 

quacktitty: im literally the next best thing to schlatt, we dont need him 

404notfound: i hate to agree but yeah 

404notfound: kick schlatt out 2021

dreamxd: im so tired of giving schlatt attention, can someone give me advice? not techno. 

technoblade: you're missing out. 

honkkarl: what advice 

dreamxd: how do i ask someone out 

dristax3: you've had a gf before clay 

dreamxd: i want to do it right this time 

dristax3: gross. 

womanmagnet5000: hello drista 

dristax3: hi kiddo 

womanmagnet5000: im litraly older than u 

dristax3: literally* 

womanmagnet5000: die. 

dreamxd: not bad, dris 

dristax3: :) 

wilbysot: why are u asking us for love advice 

wilbysot: the only couple here is quackity and schlatt and you can see how thats falling apart 

quacktitty: hey. 

jschlong: watch it, wil :) 

wilbysot: see? he's literally threatening me with a glock. 

philza: guys. 

dreamxd: phil, advice??? 

philza: just do what feels right, nothing can go wrong until they say no

dreamxd: how are you even married 

philza: i am your professor, dream. 

dreamxd: im sorry but that was such crap 

philza: it really doesn't hurt to say thank you 

dreamxd: thank you for nothing?? is that what u want??? 

404notfound: who the hell are u gonna ask out lmao 

dreamxd: this person that i know 

dreamxd: they're cute 

sadnaphours: wow, dream. 

skepeepee: fckn dumass 

404notfound: you're asking someone out bc they're cute? you're such an idiot 

dreamxd: WHAT 

dreamxd: theres obviously more reasons i just dont wanna explain them 

wilbysot: you should ask techno about this stuff, he watches romcoms like every weekend 

quacktitty: LMAO IS THIS TRUE TECHNO 

quacktitty: IS THIS TRUE WE NEED TO KNOW 

technoblade: they make me feel good. it's funny and has cheesy romances, what more can i ask for? 

dreamxd: we will talk about this later bc LOL 

dreamxd: but help 

technoblade: pull a notebook or something. 

technoblade: be that one guy that blasts music on the radio when its raining and ur standing outside the persons house to confess your love for them 

404notfound: cute 

technoblade: or be boring, your choice. 

sadnaphours: uh 

sadnaphours: maybe um karl has some ideas yk or like 

sadnaphours: cough how would u want to be asked out karl 

dreamxd: this is literally my moment sapnap 

sadnaphours: let me have this bro pls i am trying so hard 

honkkarl: idk just tell the person straight up 

honkkarl: oo take them to their favourite place when the sun is setting 

dreamxd: telling someone straight up and arranging a place to go to are two different things 

honkkarl: not if you do them both 

dreamxd: wont the person know that im gonna ask them to date me if i take them to their favourite place at sunset now

honkkarl: not unless they're in this gc 

honkkarl: ..are they in this gc? 

dreamxd: LMAO no way 

404notfound: you literally have no other friends, dream. are you sure they aren't in this gc? 

sadnaphours: george u should actually shut up 

404notfound: i wasnt even the one that asked, im just curious 

sadnaphours: i dont think dream would say they're in this gc either way bc then it'd be awkward 

404notfound: okay and?? i dont care what the answer is 

sadnaphours: so why ask????? 

dreamxd: oh my god please just shut up they arent in this gc 

404notfound: didnt have to be mean about it geez 

skepeepee: whyre u bein mean ot ur fture bf evert1 litrally knows yu lik gogt 

skepeepee: wai.t 

quacktitty: LMAO IMAGINE 

quacktitty: THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO FUNNY LMAOOO 

quacktitty: "GOGY ILY" PLS DREAM HAHSGAHAH 

quacktitty: guys why is nobody else talking 

quacktitty: guys hello

quacktitty: guys 

quacktitty: guys please 

404notfound: what 

sadnaphours: skeppy when i get my fucking hands on you.

skepeepee: aprl fools>?


	6. dream and george

**404notfound, dreamxd**

404notfound: hey can we talk 

dreamxd: okay? lmao about what 

404notfound: you know what, dream. 

404notfound: you've been ignoring me for 3 days straight, what's up?

dreamxd: i literally haven't been ignoring you

dreamxd: just been busy catching up on assignments 

404notfound: i saw you at a party with sapnap yesterday, dream 

dreamxd: okay so i've been doing assignments and partying 

404notfound: is what skeppy said true? 

dreamxd: what did skeppy say 

404notfound: my god, dream. do you like me? 

dreamxd: don't you think this 'who likes who' stuff is really elementary 

404notfound: not when its my best friend, dream. 

dreamxd: oh come on george 

dreamxd: do u really think i like u LMAO 

404notfound: so you don't? 

dreamxd: do you really believe skeppy over me? 

404notfound: oh 

404notfound: so who are you gonna ask out 

dreamxd: thats a secret i'll never tell ;) 

404notfound: you're so annoying 

**lol funny**

dreamxd: kill me kill me now. do it quick. 

technoblade: i'm coming over 

dreamxd: not you. 

technoblade: i'll do it so quick, you won't even know it was me 

dreamxd: tempting. 

nikuwu: whats wrong dream :c 

dreamxd: i don't think you guys would understand 

womanmagnet5000: lol teenage angst

womanmagnet5000: did ur woman say no to you 

dreamxd: what 

womanmagnet5000: you should have asked me for advice, dreamy, im the best with women 

philza: you really need to stop addressing all females as 'woman,' tommy. 

womanmagnet5000: stfu old man 

wilbysot: well, dream? how did it go?? 

dreamxd: didnt ask them 

jschlong: message them right now 

jschlong: dinner. me and you, tonight. 

jschlong: cant say no to that 

dreamxd: i think i messed it up too bad 

nikuwu: what did u do? 

404notfound: do you even like anyone, dream? 

dreamxd: do u think im suffering for attention george 

technoblade: well, you are a leo

dreamxd: ok and ur a gemini man, you shouldn't be talking. 

philza: none of you even take astrology. 

dreamxd: don't have to take shit to know that technos a prick 

technoblade: are we really going there? 

skepeepee: FIHGT GTHT FIGTH 

jschlong: FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT 

sadnaphours: dream are u okay, man? 

dreamxd: im a coward sapnap, do u think im okay? 

sadnaphours: yes? 

fuNDYnotfuRRY: do u wanna talk about it dream 

dreamxd: no 

nikuwu: why couldnt you tell them 

dreamxd: niki do i have to spell it out for u 

dreamxd: c o w a r d. 

404notfound: stop sulking and just tell them 

dreamxd: shut up george 

404notfound: im just saying 

dreamxd: what are u just saying, george?? you try being in love with someone you can't have and tell me how easy it is then. 

404notfound: you're such a dick. 

philza: as the adult in this group chat, i advise you two to stop squabbling. 

404notfound: this isn't fucking squabbling, this is dream ignoring everyone elses feelings 

dreamxd: oh sorry if i cant tell what ur feeling through a god damn phone screen, george. 

womanmagnet5000: okay big men lets calm down 

404notfound: i am literally trying to help you, dream 

dreamxd: help me??? yeah thanks, i'll just 'tell them' bc its so simple 

404notfound: it is that simple 

dreamxd: why don't you enlighten me on how simple it is

404notfound: anyone would be lucky to fucking have you, dream. 

404notfound: maybe if you stopped being so self involved, you'd realise how many people actually want you 

sadnaphours: george

404notfound: sorry sap, i have some coding to work on :] 

sadnaphours: dream?

dreamxd: my moms calling me

sadnaphours: guys??? 

honkkarl: leave it, sap 

muffinboyhalo: poor dream and george :( 

womanmagnet5000: why poor george i thought dream was the one that was sad 

skepeepee: gogy obviusly liks him stupd 

philza: tommy, skeppy, don't you have some homework to do? 

womanmagnet5000: ugh 

skepeepee: im a grwn man dnt do work lul 

muffinboyhalo: lets do our english project skeppy :) 

skepeepee: oh oki 

technoblade: so many simps. 

philza: techno. 

technoblade: you're the biggest simp of them all father don't even try it 

womanmagnet5000: crinj 

wilbysot: tommy. work. 

womanmagnet5000: toMmY woRk 

philza: tommy. 

womanmagnet5000: UGH. 

tubbees: um can somone spell check my essay 

nikuwu: send me a photo and i can help, tubbo :) 

tubbees: thnx 

jschlong: dream just needs to get laid. 

philza: oh my god 

jschlong: george too. 

quacktitty: schlatt you aren't helping at all 

jschlong: aren't i? 

jschlong: angry sex is hot, is all im saying 

jschlong: don't you think so, babe? 

quacktitty: are you talking to me or wilbur 

jschlong: you know who i'm talking to. 

quacktitty: are we about to kiss rn 

womanmagnet5000: maybe sex isnt that cool 

honkkarl: guys dms are a thing 

honkkarl: does nobody in this gc know that.. 

sadnaphours: i dont think so, karl. 

jschlong: pulls penis out 

womanmagnet5000: OH WHAT THE FUCK 

philza: okay, thats enough of that. 

wilbysot: does this count as sexual harassment 

jschlong: schlong <3 

honkkarl: i cant do this today 

skepeepee: schlonhk 

honkkarl: don't you dare. 

jschlong: me and my gun <33 

_\- jschlong has attached an image._

wilbysot: i. 

wilbysot: goodbye. 

honkkarl: im not going to open that image 

sadnaphours: which kind of gun are you talking about schlatt 

jschlong: go find out bae 

skepeepee: gyus its ok it a nromal gun 

philza: that still doesn't make it okay. 

jschlong: gun go brrrr 

**_dreamxd_ has removed _jschlong_**

quacktitty: hey :( 

womanmagnet5000: i want a gun pew pew 

philza: no. 

womanmagnet5000: schlatt wouldn't treat me like this. 

wilbysot: no bc he'd probably shoot you 

womanmagnet5000: YOLO

wilbysot: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT 


	7. football games

**lol funny**

**welcome _jschlong_ to 'lol funny'! **

sadnaphours: that was short lived 

jschlong: :) 

technoblade: why do you always come back 

dreamxd: long story 

jschlong: i gave him money 

dreamxd: short story 

quacktitty: you guys are getting paid to put up with him?? 

jschlong: i love you 

honkkarl: aw 

jschlong: r ass 

jschlong: i love your ass 

honkkarl: aw.. :/ 

quacktitty: you literally called me flatty patty the other day but ok 

jschlong: you asked me to degrade you babe 

quacktitty: i didn't mean like that 

sadnaphours: okay idc about your sex life 

sadnaphours: i have a game this friday. who's coming? 

jschlong: yeah talking about that sex life, i have other business to tend to on friday 

quacktitty: but dont worry sapnap! that was cancelled so we will be coming 

jschlong: what. 

sadnaphours: okay thanks guys 

jschlong: but my penis.. 

sadnaphours: I SAID THANKS GUYS :D 

honkkarl: ahem um 

honkkarl: i cant come 

sadnaphours: oh thats fine 

technoblade: he says while dying inside 

technoblade: but i also cant come 

sadnaphours: guys :D pls dont :D leave me with :D schlatt and :D quackity :D 

dreamxd: dw man, ofc im coming. 

dreamxd: i wouldnt miss any of ur games 

sadnaphours: thanks brother ily 

404notfound: um i cant go 

sadnaphours: WHAT?? GEORGE :(((( 

404notfound: yeah i have a dentist appointment 

wilbysot: i thought that was in another month 

404notfound: no. its this month. 

wilbysot: it's on your calendar george, im looking at it rn 

404notfound: ugh ok then im just busy on friday 

sadnaphours: wtf george what about my football game 

404notfound: what about your football game? you guys always lose anyway 

sadnaphours: what the fuck, george. 

honkkarl: george what the honk thats not nice :( 

muffinboyhalo: sap tries so hard with his team george u know that 

skepeepee: lsten btch boy, do u thnk we like loosing??? 

philza: theres so much wrong with that sentence 

technoblade: its losing, skeppy. 

skepeepee: same thing 

philza: its really not 

nikuwu: im coming guys! 

skepeepee: wear my nbmer niki 

womanmagnet5000: can i come 

philza: depends. 

womanmagnet5000: wilburs going so why cant i 

wilbysot: i handed in my assignments on time, have you? 

womanmagnet5000: this is so not fair

technoblade: tommy, you're still in high school. you literally have it easier than us. 

womanmagnet5000: its hard to pass classes when u look this good 

philza: why couldn't i have raised normal sons 

dreamxd: i ask myself that everyday, phil. 

dreamxd: im bringing drista too 

womanmagnet5000: nvm i dont wanna go i think i'll just play minecraft 

wilbysot: on second thoughts, dad, don't you think it'd be nice for tommy to make friends with drista? 

philza: i'm sure it'd be nice. 

womanmagnet5000: just tell me im the least favourite already dad 

philza: i hate my sons equally, tommy. 

technoblade: apart from me 

philza: no, techno. 

technoblade: you don't have to lie father 

tubbees: sap do u think i can come :) 

sadnaphours: idk ask ur mom 

tubbees: do u think u guys can sneak me out 

womanmagnet5000: oh yes me too 

dreamxd: right because sneaking minors into my car doesn't sound weird 

tubbees: fck u dream nevr liked u anyways 

dreamxd: WHAT 

womanmagnet5000: u fucking tell him tubbo. 

sadnaphours: while ur at it, get george to come too 

sadnaphours: im not letting him bail on me just yet 

404notfound: i told you i was busy 

sadnaphours: idc if ur mad at dream or whatever, its my day to shine and none of you are gonna fucking miss it. 

jschlong: can i bring the glock 

dreamxd: god yes 

philza: no. 

jschlong: i say we put it to a vote. the jury decides. 

quacktitty: hello i am the jury and i say no due to me not wanting my bf to be expelled 

wilbysot: i say yes due to me wanting ur bf to be expelled

dreamxd: i also say yes and would like to volunteer as target practice 

jschlong: i see we have come to an agreement 

philza: no. 

philza: clay, are you okay? 

dreamxd: always :) 

jschlong: i think for the opening ceremony, we could have dream run across the pitch and i can try to shoot him 

404notfound: don't. 

dreamxd: here george comes, trampling on my dreams once again 

404notfound: sorry for caring about you? 

dreamxd: apology not accepted 

404notfound: hey dream, do you mind acting like an ass somewhere else? :] 

sadnaphours: hey guys. this is not the time. 

honkkarl: what time does the game start sap 

sadnaphours: 7pm 

honkkarl: maybe i can fit it in,, 

sadnaphours: are you sure? you don't have to come 

honkkarl: no but i want to, it'll be so fun 

jschlong: kinky 

sadnaphours: oh come on wtf 

jschlong: come on what? ;) 

honkkarl: i'll just see you at 7 on friday sapnap 

muffinboyhalo: do u guys even remember how this argument started :/ 

404notfound: uh yes. i care about dream and he's too much of a pissbaby to appreciate it 

dreamxd: so not how it started 

404notfound: okay then how did it start then? 

dreamxd: idk it just wasnt bc of that 

skepeepee: OH I KNOW I KNOW 

sadnaphours: you know skeppys serious when he uses autocorrect like he's supposed to 

skepeepee: thx sapnap 

muffinboyhalo: i think you should stay out of this one for now, skeppy 

skepeepee: ok bad :) 

dreamxd: i remember now 

technoblade: care to share with the class? 

dreamxd: its bc george is an unloving dumbass 

404notfound: oh really? 

dreamxd: yes. you gave me crap advice and then acted like it was great. 

404notfound: literally not what happened 

404notfound: and anyways, im not unloving, you're just an insensitive dick. 

muffinboyhalo: ok guys easy on the bad words 

dreamxd: i am not an insensitive dick, right bad? 

muffinboyhalo: language guys please TwT 

404notfound: god, even bad agrees with me 

dreamxd: he didnt even say that?? 

404notfound: he didnt need to. 

muffinboyhalo: stop it 

jschlong: if i shoot them, they'd shut up. yk? 

wilbysot: oh yeah i wonder why 

jschlong: bc they'd be dead, wil. i thought you were smarter than this. 

wilbysot: i hate this gc 

dreamxd: i cant do this anymore 

404notfound: is the little pissbaby giving up? :[ 

dreamxd: yes. i am. 

404notfound: oh 

404notfound: thats not like you dream 

dreamxd: yeah well im having a pointless argument with my best friend and i think thats where i should draw the line 

dreamxd: just idk come to watch sapnaps game, he wants you there. avoid me or something. 

dreamxd: i need to shower so im heading off for the night 

muffinboyhalo: have a good night dream ^-^ 

sadnaphours: gn buddy 

404notfound: oh

dreamxd: see you friday

dreamxd: bye george 

404notfound: im sorry dream 

dreamxd: lmao 

philza: make sure to get some rest, clay. 

dreamxd: thx prof. 

dristax3: clay 

womanmagnet5000: wtf 

dristax3: is ur name clay? 

womanmagnet5000: is ur name wtf? 

womanmagnet5000: shouldnt toddlers be sleeping by now 

dristax3: apparently not since ur still here 

technoblade: i like this one 

dristax3: yeah idc. wheres my brother gone 

dreamxd: go to bed, drista. 

dristax3: no lol check dms 

dreamxd: will do tomorrow 

dristax3: now. 

jschlong: do u want me to threaten him with my gun 

dristax3: what. 

jschlong: sighs 

jschlong: *puts glock away sadly*

honkkarl: im not even here anymore im just a hallucination 

quacktitty: karl wanna cuddle tonight since my bf doesnt love me 

jschlong: what the fuck 

honkkarl: ok hehe 

jschlong: karl touch him and i will actually eat your hands :) 

honkkarl: nvm quackity turns out i have some other plans tonight bye 

quacktitty: ugh 

jschlong: i want to cuddle tonight :( 

quacktitty: let me ask flatty patty 

jschlong: ur ass is so fat babe come on 

quacktitty: do u really mean that 

jschlong: ofc i do 

quacktitty: ur so romantic

technoblade: pain 

womanmagnet5000: wtf am i watching 

jschlong: true love dumb bitch 

philza: everyone really should be heading to bed now. 

jschlong: oh we'll be heading to bed alright ;) 

wilbysot: oh to be blind 

**dristax3, dreamxd**

dristax3: why r u being a bitch to george 

dristax3: clay answer me 

dristax3: stop simping and come fucking here omg 

dristax3: im telling mom that ur fighting with ur bf if u dont come here in 3 

dristax3: 2 

dreamxd: drista what the hell 

dristax3: 1 

dristax3: hello clay 

dreamxd: its so late, dris. please go to bed. 

dristax3: not until you tell me whats up 

dristax3: why are you and george suddenly at each others throats 

dreamxd: grown up stuff, drista. you wouldn't get it. 

dristax3: grown up stuff my ass. you're acting like 5 year olds. 

dreamxd: how would mom feel knowing how much you swear 

dristax3: how would mom feel knowing that you taught me these words 

dristax3: also dont change the topic, clay. 

dreamxd: im so tired drista. i really cant do this today 

dristax3: are u okay, can you at least tell me that? 

dreamxd: im always okay, dris. don't worry about your lovely big bro, get some sleep instead. 

dristax3: im always here to talk clay 

dreamxd: yeah yeah ik gn 

dristax3: gn ig :/


	8. piss jokes and why they arent funny

**lol funny**

dreamxd: okay who did it 

dreamxd: im not mad i just wanna know 

sadnaphours: whatever could u mean 

jschlong: it was probably me 

dreamxd: guys the pissbaby jokes arent funny anymore 

sadnaphours: how could u say that 

sadnaphours: u know those are georges only jokes 

404notfound: wow okay. you literally are the definition of 'your mum' jokes 

sadnaphours: thank you george that means so much 

404notfound: ugh 

dreamxd: well whoever did it is going to help me clean it 

technoblade: and why do you think it was one of us? 

wilbysot: no other friends, dream? 

womanmagnet5000: how sad. 

dreamxd: why are you always here at the same time 

wilbysot: brotherly instinct. 

womanmagnet5000: to annoy techno 

technoblade: its a horrible coincidence, really 

muffinboyhalo: ..okay well 

muffinboyhalo: what happened 

dreamxd: my car 

skepeepee: why do u always find a way to brag about having a car 

dreamxd: oh my god 

dreamxd: it literally has 'pissbaby' spray-painted across it 

skepeepee: okay and? i would drive the shit out of that thing 

sadnaphours: why are u typing like a normal person skeppy are u okay 

skepeepee: autocorrect 

404notfound: are u sure its one of us dream, what if someone hates you so much to ruin your nice car? :] 

dreamxd: george what did you do 

muffinboyhalo: george.. 

womanmagnet5000: that wasnt very baby of you gogy 

404notfound: why the hell do u guys think its me 

sadnaphours: ...

sadnaphours: techno? 

wilbysot: hm 

honkkarl: inchresting.. 

technoblade: dont look at me wtf i didnt even know this idiot had a car 

skepeepee: how could u not? dream talks about it 24/7 

dreamxd: i literally dont? 

dreamxd: are u sure u arent jealous that i can go places without having to beg bad 

skepeepee: see? there he goes again 

jschlong: again, it was probably me 

dreamxd: the fact you're saying that makes me know its not you 

jschlong: people do strange things when drunk, dream 

philza: have you been drinking on school grounds, schlatt? 

jschlong: its like you have it out for me or something phil 

philza: you make me worry about the safety of my students 

jschlong: good. 

quacktitty: ur so hot babe 

jschlong: babe stop im blushing 

sadnaphours: babe stop im throwing up 

quacktitty: at least i had the guts to ask him out 

jschlong: oh fuck yeah get his ass babe 

quacktitty: imagine being single wtf like actually sapnap, are u okay? 

sadnaphours: thats it 

sadnaphours: quackity did it dream i saw him from the window at like 5am 

philza: alex, you do know thats vandalism? 

quacktitty: um no hablo ingles??? 

quacktitty: adios mi amigos this was not fun 

jschlong: you know what they say about snitches, sap. 

sadnaphours: phil, schlatts threatening me 

jschlong: phil, sapnaps being a little bitch 

dreamxd: what. 

quacktitty: okay im not going to lie, i was high and karl had spray paint 

honkkarl: i was not part of this. do not drag me down with you. 

quacktitty: dw karl i got you shawty 

quacktitty: it was all georges idea 

404notfound: WHAT. 

jschlong: its true. i was there 

404notfound: dream you cant possibly believe them 

dreamxd: well 

404notfound: you've got to be kidding me 

honkkarl: why would we lie to u dream 

quacktitty: george sleep walked to us and handed us the yellow spray paint 

404notfound: thats actually impossible 

jschlong: how could it be impossible if you did it?

dreamxd: jokes aside, one of you is going to wash my car 

skepeepee: you just wont stop with the car, will you? 

dreamxd: skeppy get a drivers licence and then talk to me 

quacktitty: dream im too sexy to wash cars, you know that 

honkkarl: i didnt do anything so 

jschlong: whats in it for me 

dreamxd: literally nothing. you ruined my car. 

jschlong: it wasnt me, it was my boyfriend 

quacktitty: babe whats mine is yours and that counts for my problems 

jschlong: god ur so right babe 

quacktitty: im always right 

jschlong: and its so sexy 

dreamxd: maybe i'll just wash my own car 

muffinboyhalo: oo car wash! ^w^ 

jschlong: can you wash my car 

dreamxd: no :) 

jschlong: i'll pay you? 

dreamxd: how much 

sadnaphours: this is just sad 

dreamxd: shut up im a jobless college student 

sadnaphours: did u just tell me to shut up dream :( 

dreamxd: yes?? 

sadnaphours: wtf 

sadnaphours: what happens if i dont? are u gonna piss on me 

jschlong: are we taking our penises out 

quacktitty: schlatt, no 

wilbysot: hey god what did i do this time 

skepeepee: where do these piss jokes even come from 

404notfound: dream had a weird piss dream ages ago 

muffinboyhalo: is that why ur names dream o.o 

dreamxd: no 

jschlong: its okay if u have a piss kink, dream. this is a safe space. 

technoblade: but i will use that fact as blackmail 

dreamxd: i dont have a piss kink 

sadnaphours: thats what they all say 

womanmagnet5000: what is a piss kink 

philza: are you being serious

womanmagnet5000: yes i am innocent like badboyhalo i dont even swear 

philza: i wanted girls and i think this is why. 

technoblade: dont worry father, i can handle this one 

technoblade: tommy go to your room 

womanmagnet5000: wtf 

womanmagnet5000: no u go to ur room stupid bitch 

tubbees: isnt a piss kink where u pee on ppl 

wilbysot: and who taught you that, tubbo? 

tubbees: urban dictionary :) 

jschlong: thats my boy 

jschlong: we should adopt him quackity 

tubbees: um no ty 

jschlong: did i say u could speak 

technoblade: are you adopting him or kidnapping him? 

quacktitty: neither 

jschlong: aw babe :( 

**welcome _ranbootypes_ to 'lol funny'! **

jschlong: everyone always interrupts my sexy time. 

tubbees: it was him ranboo 

jschlong: what 

dreamxd: LMAO 

ranbootypes: hello 

womanmagnet5000: hello ranboo 

ranbootypes: hi tommy. 

404notfound: sapnap 

sadnaphours: gogy 

404notfound: i'll see u friday 

sadnaphours: :O 

sadnaphours: is gogy going to my football game???? georgie poo loves me 

404notfound: yeah whatever 

dreamxd: what made you change your mind 

404notfound: just wanna be there for sap 

dreamxd: thats nice 

404notfound: and also because of you 

skepeepee: its happening 

dreamxd: wdym bc of me 

404notfound: idk i feel bad? 

404notfound: and i miss you 

dreamxd: dms 

skepeepee: its happening. 

nikuwu: it might actually be happening.. 

womanmagnet5000: whats happening 

skepeepee: shut. the grown ups are talking. 

**404notfound, dreamxd**

404notfound: dream? 

dreamxd: do you hate me or something 

404notfound: wtf are u ok 

dreamxd: u keep idk

dreamxd: switching up on me? 

dreamxd: i mean are we still arguing or are we okay now? or is this just an on and off thing?? 

404notfound: you say that like we're dating, dream 

dreamxd: would that be a bad thing 

404notfound: wdym 

dreamxd: if we were dating 

404notfound: i dont think it matters 

dreamxd: how come 

404notfound: you're straight? 

dreamxd: why do you think that 

404notfound: dream you watch the super bowl and eat lamb for breakfast 

404notfound: oh and get this, you've literally told me you were strictly heterosexual.

dreamxd: i dont recall 

404notfound: 'hey dream, do you think this boy is cute?' 

404notfound: 'sure george, ask the straight man.' 

dreamxd: that was 5 years ago 

404notfound: and you've only dated girls during those 5 years, dream 

404notfound: give me one reason why you arent straight 

dreamxd: because im fucking in love with you?? 

404notfound: oh 

404notfound: okay well thats definitely a reason 

404notfound: i have to go though so 

dreamxd: george

404notfound: nice talk, dream! see ya around :] 

dreamxd: george.

dreamxd: fuck what the fuck is wrong with me 


	9. thirdwheels

**lol funny**

sadnaphours: do i call someone 

_\- sadnaphours has attached a video._

jschlong: LMAO 

sadnaphours: hes been like this since yesterday night 

honkkarl: you look so tired sapnap :( 

sadnaphours: i couldnt sleep bc of his nonstop sobbing 

404notfound: sobbing? whats wrong 

sadnaphours: have u not watched the video george 

404notfound: i didnt see that there was one :/ 

skepeepee: i thot u were colurblid nt blind blin 

muffinboyhalo: whats wrong with dream 

technoblade: what isnt wrong with dream 

technoblade: is he okay? 

sadnaphours: does he sound okay 

quacktitty: ask dream if he wants a kiss 

jschlong: no. 

quacktitty: its to cheer him up 

jschlong: idc if dream is about to throw himself off a cliff, those kisses are reserved for me :) 

honkkarl: and me 

honkkarl: bestie privileges obvi 

quacktitty: u deserve all the kisses karlos <3 

jschlong: *cocks gun* 

quacktitty: and u wonder why i dont kiss you enough 

jschlong: kiss me to make the homicidal tendencies go away babe 

sadnaphours: why does it always result in you two flirting

sadnaphours: my friend is crying. 

womanmagnet5000: any sympathisers in the chat? 

wilbysot: have u tried dipping him in rice 

ranbootypes: turn him off and on again 

tubbees: slap him :) 

sadnaphours: sure, let me go slap a crying man 

dristax3: leave him alone, sapnap. 

technoblade: you've summoned drista, good going guys. 

honkkarl: cuddle him c: 

womanmagnet5000: do u think the woman he liked rejected him 

sadnaphours: no way 

skepeepee: .. 

nikuwu: right? 

skepeepee: drem did sem ok b4 tlkin 2 a certin perusn

sadnaphours: hm 

sadnaphours: what do you think, george? 

404notfound: huh what 

honkkarl: suspicious 

womanmagnet5000: wtf is happening 

womanmagnet5000: i dont speak old people 

wilbysot: maybe you're just stupid, tommy 

womanmagnet5000: say that again bitch boy 

philza: please take a break from this group chat. 

womanmagnet5000: wilbur started it 

wilbysot: just pointing out the obvious yw 

muffinboyhalo: idk whats going on either tho TwT 

skepeepee: dw bad tell u latr 

404notfound: sapnap dms pls 

jschlong: hey, no. share your dirty laundry with the rest of us. 

philza: respect privacy, schlatt 

jschlong: i will when you respect the gun, phil. 

sadnaphours: i hate this gc so much. 

quacktitty: we love u too guapo

sadnaphours: so much. 

**404notfound, sadnaphours**

404notfound: can you help me with my english paper 

sadnaphours: are you fucking kidding me 

sadnaphours: i literally have bigger things to worry about aka dream 

404notfound: no its about um 

404notfound: two best friends and one of them likes the other but the other isnt ready for a relationship yet 

sadnaphours: is this an english paper or a fanfiction 

404notfound: sap.

sadnaphours: what?

sadnaphours: OH

sadnaphours: wtf did u say to him 

404notfound: nothing? kinda,, well idk 

sadnaphours: what does that even mean 

404notfound: i thought he was straight and he said he wasnt and i said prove it and he said he was in love with me and then i got scared and said i had to go and then ignored him and now i have no idea what to do because i like him back, i have for a long time but i just never thought that would be reciprocated and now it is and i dont want to ruin anything 

sadnaphours: dont u think that ignoring him is ruining things already

404notfound: how am i supposed to tell him that i like him but dont want to be with him

sadnaphours: have you ever been in a relationship george 

404notfound: yeah but the last one was back in sixth form 

sadnaphours: do you know how unbelievably lucky you are 

sadnaphours: your best friend, the person who knows you the most out of everyone is the same person who is so deeply in love with you, tells you that he loves you and you like him back. isn't that perfect, george? and who cares if things dont work out but you'll really never know unless you try. dream would never leave your side regardless. 

404notfound: i really dont think it'd be a good idea 

sadnaphours: do you know what i would fucking give to be in your shoes 

sadnaphours: to have someone love me more than i love them, to feel that safe and wanted? 

404notfound: nick 

sadnaphours: dont 'nick' me, george 

sadnaphours: if you really believe it wont work out and if you really think its not a good idea to be with dream then fine, thats your decision. i just know that if you decide to never tell him how you feel, it's gonna be an opportunity missed. you're gonna watch him fall for someone else overtime and you're gonna think to yourself, 'fuck. i wish i could have fucking did something when it was me he was looking at like that.' 

sadnaphours: but hey, you'll keep your best friend either way. it'll just take him a while to get through this, and you too. 

404notfound: karl would be lucky to have you 

sadnaphours: what? 

404notfound: you seem more into this 'love' thing than i am. maybe you should be the one telling someone how you feel. 

sadnaphours: can you not change the topic 

404notfound: not changing it, just making an observation 

404notfound: sap i had to watch two people fall out of love for each other and i just dont think that all the good moments are worth all the bad ones. 

sadnaphours: george, they are. trust me. you wont know until you really experience it but its so worth it. 

404notfound: sure sapnap, i'll take that from the guy who has never dated anyone ever. 

sadnaphours: you and dream wont be getting married and divorced anytime soon, george. just go for it dude. 

404notfound: idk sap i dont feel like getting into pointless arguments and then crying about a stupid guy 

sadnaphours: not even when its dream? 

404notfound: i dont think so, sapnap 

sadnaphours: not even when dream is literally doing that right now bc of you? aka the stupid guy 

404notfound: okay im not stupid 

404notfound: but no, sapnap. not even then. 

sadnaphours: okay. i still love you guys regardless, even if you're just hurting each other more and more everyday

404notfound: you dont have to get all deep about it geez 

sadnaphours: just saying bro 

404notfound: whatever 

404notfound: thanks for talking to me ig 

sadnaphours: yeah, thanks for hurting my best friend ig 

404notfound: not funny. 

sadnaphours: im not wrong 

404notfound: its still not funny sap i feel really bad 

sadnaphours: dream will understand, just give him time. he's had to be the person to fall out of love with someone before, you know? 

404notfound: yeah yeah okay 

404notfound: just come pick up some pop tarts from my dorm and give them to him 

sadnaphours: what are you? his mom? 

404notfound: no, im the guy hes wailing over. i have to do this. also keep them away from birds this time. 

sadnaphours: fuck you 

404notfound: :] 

404notfound: also why are u like so, i dont wanna say experienced, but experienced in all this heartbreak stuff 

404notfound: like the 'if u dont do anything now, you'll regret it' or is that just you not wanting me to take dream for granted 

sadnaphours: i would hate for you to take dream for granted. he isn't going to wait forever until you're ready to be with him but thats only half of it 

404notfound: did u like dream, sap??? 

sadnaphours: no wtf i liked quackity 

404notfound: HUH 

sadnaphours: but thats a story for another day gtg <3 

404notfound: WHAT COME BACK HUH?? 

404notfound: DONT JUST DO UR DAMAGE AND LEAVE U PRICK

404notfound: I THOUGHT U DIDNT EVEN KNOW HIM BEFORE THE GC 

404notfound: SAP WE ARENT DONE TALKING UGH 


	10. protective boyfriends and why im scared of them

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was so painful writing fundys username over and over again, so i changed it. smiles.

**lol funny**

dreamxd: hey guys

philza: clay, you're back. are you feeling alright? 

dreamxd: yeah, why wouldn't i be? :) 

philza: if you ever need an extension on that math hw, i dont mind giving you one 

dreamxd: nope. all is good. 

philza: are you sure? you haven't been attending any classes for a week, your teachers are worried about you. 

philza: im very worried about you. 

dreamxd: just needed a little break but your boy is back and better than ever 

fundy: dream, hey! how've you been? 

dreamxd: i've been fine thanks 

fundy: did u get the taco bell i ordered? 

dreamxd: i did. sapnap ate most of it though :/ 

sadnaphours: i was hungry. 

sadnaphours: do u know how painful it is to cook for myself when dream is the one who normally cooks for us but hes too busy locked inside his room to even make me a simple steak?? 

fundy: dream is not ur personal chef, sap. can't you make spaghetti or something? it's noodles in a pot. 

sadnaphours: .. 

fundy: you know how to make spaghetti, right? 

dreamxd: save him the embarrassment, funds. 

fundy: yeah, yeah. bit concerning that he can't make easy food but okay. 

fundy: are you really alright, dream? 

dreamxd: lmao yh why does everyone think ive gone insane 

fundy: you did disappear off the face of the earth for a few days

sadnaphours: yeah man, the only time i saw you out your room was to get some pop tarts 

dreamxd: i like pop tarts 

sadnaphours: oh, i know. 

dreamxd: also cant trust u with them anymore. not after the bird incident. 

sadnaphours: why do i even bother being nice to you 

dreamxd: you love me, shut up 

404notfound: dream, you're back :] 

dreamxd: hey 

dreamxd: listen guys im ngl i havent showered in a week and i feel pretty gross so i gtg 

philza: do think about taking an extension, dream. i really don't mind if you need more of a break. i get it. 

dreamxd: thanks, phil. genuinely. 

skepeepee: ohh noo im feeling so sad :( idk if i can do that math hw.. cries

philza: skeppy, i want your work in by tomorrow. 

skepeepee: fuck this 

sadnaphours: autocorrects treating you well, huh? 

muffinboyhalo: i told him to keep it turned on 

skepeepee: bads so smart :>

honkkarl: oh no did i miss dream :( 

honkkarl: i wanted to get his opinion on my new sweater 

sadnaphours: you wear the ugliest sweaters ever, karl 

quacktitty: i heard you were talking shit about my son, sapnap? 

sadnaphours: how are you always here 

quacktitty: don't even try it with me bitch

sadnaphours: i wasnt going to? 

quacktitty: oh so you're backing out now? karl, i told u not to hang out with pussies 

sadnaphours: do u really wanna fight rn quackity bc we can meet outside 

quacktitty: .. 

honkkarl: well, alex? 

quacktitty: i would but my knees suddenly started to hurt and i dont think i can walk that far 

jschlong: my penis senses are tingling. 

fundy: isnt that just an erection

jschlong: are you hurt babe 

quacktitty: um

quacktitty: yh pls come round and kiss it better. sapnap hurt me. 

jschlong: what. 

sadnaphours: WHAT 

sadnaphours: hey man i really didnt do anything lmao pls leave me be i have a dream to take care of 

jschlong: yk i carry right? 

skepeepee: ok kaitlin bennett 

jschlong: brb 

sadnaphours: guys do u think hes actually gonna shoot me?? be honest pls i dont wanna die but also sugarcoat it so i can die in denial 

honkkarl: sap 

honkkarl: if you do die today, i want u to know that i think ur really handsome 

sadnaphours: oh shit? 

muffinboyhalo: language 

muffinboyhalo: u arent going to die sapnap, don't be dramatic T-T 

jschlong: :) 

sadnaphours: ARE U SURE ABOUT THAT BAD BC SCHLATTS BEEN REAL SUS LATELY 

sadnaphours: i mean, i might die but i dont wanna die a single man so karl, how about a date if i live? 

honkkarl: i think i'd really like that, sap! 

quacktitty: schlatt put the gun back everything is okay 

jschlong: anything for u 

sadnaphours: hey, you weren't gonna shoot me, right?? 

jschlong: oh no, i definitely would have. yolo. 

philza: schlatt. 

jschlong: lmao jk 

jschlong: but im watching you sapnap xoxo 

sadnaphours: karl i might be arriving to pick you up in a bulletproof vest 

honkkarl: please do, i think you'd look hot 

sadnaphours: .. 

sadnaphours: brb 

skepeepee: 'hey siri, where do i find a bulletproof vest?' 

wilbysot: mfs gonna join the whole ass police force just for this 

jschlong: well at least someones gonna get laid 

fundy: gross. 

muffinboyhalo: schlatt pls i cant keep doing this TwT

jschlong: shit fuck asshole bitch motherfucker 

honkkarl: what the honk are u trying to kill him, schlatt?? 

jschlong: always trying to kill somebody <3 

muffinboyhalo: i dont think i like this gc anymore 

technoblade: never liked this gc, never will 

quacktitty: hola guapo, i've missed u ;) 

technoblade: goodbye. 

quacktitty: :( 

honkkarl: i'll give u attention quackity 

quacktitty: :) 

sadnaphours: do i call the cops on schlatt 

jschlong: try it and see what happens 

philza: i really am concerned for all of you 

jschlong: does self defence not matter to u 

philza: i dont think shooting someone for upsetting your boyfriend is self defence 

jschlong: what if he looked at me funny 

wilbysot: well.. 

jschlong: sapnap looked at me funny. 

sadnaphours: what. 


	11. fuck the police

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mention of drugs

**lol funny**

quacktitty: HEY GUYS RUNNING FROM THE POLICE :thumbsup: 

quacktitty: LMAOOOOO 

_\- quacktitty has attached an image._

technoblade: and i really thought you were joking. 

sadnaphours: the pic is blurry as fuck. u good? 

tubbees: why we going so fast 

quacktitty: IF I DONT GET BACK SCHLATT PLS BAIL ME OUT LOVE U GUYS 

jschlong: i've got u babe. gotta make a few phone calls. 

ranbootypes: lol nice beanie 

quacktitty: ARE U LAUGHING AT MY PAIN DUMB BITCH 

ranbootypes: no? 

quacktitty: U TRY GETTING CHASED DOWN BY FUCKING PIGS

404notfound: do they use pigs on the police force wth 

quacktitty: NO. ACAB. 

quacktitty: YA BOI WAS TRYING TO GET HIGH BUT APPARENTLY MARIJUANA AINT LEGAL IN THIS FUCKING COUNTRY 

quacktitty: FUCK ENGLAND FUCK AMERICA FUCK 

philza: those are two different countries. 

quacktitty: HEY PHIL MIND HELPING A YOUNG HANDSOME STUDENT OUT 

quacktitty: HERES THE PLAN GUYS. I DROP THE LOCATION IM AT WHILE RUNNING LIKE SONIC THE FUCKING HEDGEHOG AND U CREATE A DIVERSION 

quacktitty: SET SOMETHING ON FIRE. SCHLATT SHOOT ONE OF THEM DOWN. I CANT DO THIS TODAY IM NOT MAKING IT OUT ALIVE 

jschlong: IM COMING BABE 

quacktitty: THANKS BABE I THINK I MIGHT DIE TODAY MAKE SURE THE WEED IS SAFE 

jschlong: I'LL SMOKE IT IN UR HONOUR SHAWTY BAE 

honkkarl: HI WHY ARE WE TALKING IN CAPS 

quacktitty: IM RUNNING FROM THE POLCID 

quacktitty: GTG 

philza: schlatt, you will not be leaving to help your boyfriend. 

philza: quackity, do not bring illegal substances on campus. you know better. 

quacktitty: I REALY DNT ANYWS GOTA TPE FST BC THY FOUNDE ME 

dreamxd: speedrun out of there quackity i believe in you 

quacktitty: THNSK DRE UR A REL ONE 

nikuwu: do u guys think hes gonna be okay? 

wilbysot: no, not at all. 

wilbysot: all we can do is wait 

skepeepee: quakty im comng 

philza: please stay in your dorms, it's 5 in the morning. 

philza: if worse comes to worse, i can go down to the police station 

technoblade: father maybe we should leave him there 

technoblade: he has to learn the consequences. 

womanmagnet5000: can i do drugs 

tubbees: me too 

philza: no. go to bed. 

ranbootypes: isnt weed legal in canada 

tubbees: roadtrip? 

jschlong: we should smuggle quackity into canada 

philza: i really don't advise running from the police 

dreamxd: fuck the police 

jschlong: FUCK the police. 

wilbysot: im sorry dad but yeah, fuck the police 

technoblade: the government sucks. i say we let the city go to purge. 

philza: i don't like the police either but i don't think running from them makes it better 

quacktitty: NO FACE NO CASE WHOOOOOO 

sadnaphours: you're such an idiot 

quacktitty: i can be ur idiot ;) 

sadnaphours: shut up 

sadnaphours: don't u have the law to be running from 

quacktitty: taking a breather 

jschlong: babe send me the addy and i'll come pick u up 

quacktitty: i ran to walmart 

\- _quacktitty has attached an image._

dreamxd: isnt ur car broken 

sadnaphours: take the piss mobile 

dreamxd: the what. 

jschlong: im hijacking your car, dream. 

dreamxd: WHAT 

404notfound: i have the spare keys 

sadnaphours: meet u all down in the parking lot 

philza: there's no stopping this, is there? 

wilbysot: no 

wilbysot: so count me in guys 

philza: don't get caught? thats the only advice i have here 

jschlong: trust me, this isnt my first rodeo. 

honkkarl: that does not surprise me at all 


	12. quackity and sapnap

**404notfound, sadnaphours**

404notfound: u ok 

sadnaphours: that was the most exhilarating thing i have ever fucking done 

404notfound: so much for just a small bag 

sadnaphours: worth it 

404notfound: can i ask u something 

404notfound: u dont have to answer 

sadnaphours: okay? lmao 

404notfound: what happened with you and quackity 

sadnaphours: why 

404notfound: idk you guys just seemed like idk 

404notfound: there was a lot of tension in the car between you two 

404notfound: and you seemed to be really smiley for someone thats saving someone from the police 

sadnaphours: we're friends. can't i be happy around friends? 

404notfound: you did tell me you liked him,, 

sadnaphours: that was ages ago 

404notfound: sap pls 

404notfound: i'll tell dream that u pissed in his shampoo at a party once 

sadnaphours: u wouldnt fucking dare 

404notfound: try me. 

sadnaphours: god ur so annoying 

sadnaphours: we kissed like twice in freshmen year and i liked him a lot and i thought he liked me too but obviously not since he chose the other guy 

404notfound: the other guy being schlatt? 

sadnaphours: yeah but its fine, i met karl and all those feelings came back but for him instead 

404notfound: and you guys are going on a date which is pretty pog 

sadnaphours: its gonna be awesome. i've planned a whole night of just an adventure time marathon with so much food 

404notfound: i think quackity made the wrong choice

sadnaphours: no way. have you seen him with schlatt? the vibe is so scary, i'd piss my pants 

404notfound: you're really trying to steal that pissbaby title huh 

sadnaphours: talking about that pissbaby, how are you doing? 

404notfound: fine? i think he's avoiding talking about that text so 

sadnaphours: yeah. sounds like dream. 

sadnaphours: but george 

404notfound: yeah?? 

sadnaphours: if you hurt him any more, i might have to throw you in front of a bus 

404notfound: believe me, sap. i would throw myself in front of that bus. 

404notfound: you know most college relationships don't work out, right? 

sadnaphours: is that whats stopping you 

404notfound: what stopped you? 

sadnaphours: was just too late. thats all. 

404notfound: but you're over quackity? 

sadnaphours: yeah. i probably like karl way more tbh. 

404notfound: do you think dreams gonna get over me just as easy as that? 

sadnaphours: i think thats different 

404notfound: wdym 

sadnaphours: i wasn't in love with quackity 

404notfound: oh 

404notfound: but he'll move on eventually, right? i mean, what do you do when the person you love lets you down?? 

sadnaphours: im just gonna tell u the same thing i told dream 

404notfound: which is? 

sadnaphours: just try to stop loving them 

404notfound: do you think thats possible 

sadnaphours: do you? 

404notfound: not really, no 

sadnaphours: well theres your answer 

sadnaphours: just give it time. 

404notfound: whats it like to really be in love with someone, sap? 

sadnaphours: i feel like you're asking the wrong guy 

sadnaphours: but you'll know when you feel it 

404notfound: and if i dont? 

sadnaphours: thats okay too 

sadnaphours: i think you should talk to dream about this 

404notfound: ugh cant i just stick to making piss jokes about him and never contacting him privately ever again 

sadnaphours: no, because thats when you start ruining that friendship you want to keep so badly 

404notfound: why cant i just ask him out like you did with karl 

404notfound: it was so simple for you 

sadnaphours: yeah, my best friends are complicated fucks. 

404notfound: fuck you 

sadnaphours: you wish bottom ;) 

404notfound: lmao enjoy being blocked loser 

sadnaphours: idc block me. karl wouldnt treat me like this :p 

404notfound: dick. 

sadnaphours: yeah. i have one. 

404notfound: whatever im leaving 

sadnaphours: love you :) 

404notfound: dont care 

sadnaphours: k 

404notfound: ly2 

404notfound: now bye 

**lol funny**

dreamxd: can't believe we just saved someone from jail 

philza: i wouldn't say it was like that, clay 

wilbysot: shut up we totally just saved someone from jail 

womanmagnet5000: you guys never include me 

tubbees: its ok tommy they cant come on a roadtrip with us 

philza: sigh. 

womanmagnet5000: YEAH DRUGS POG 

quacktitty: GIVE DRUGS NOT HUGS 

technoblade: if tommy gets to have drugs, could i finally be able to get a real sword? 

philza: no. no to tommy getting drugs, no to the sword. 

technoblade: i'll kill orphans another day 

fundy: what the hell did i miss 

dreamxd: quackity has a drug dealer, he ran from the police with a bag of marijuana, schlatt drove us all to save him while violating several traffic laws, techno isn't getting a sword and tommy and tubbo are sneaking off to canada for weed 

fundy: huh. 

fundy: pretty productive day, i assume 

dreamxd: yeah, i would say so 

honkkarl: and sap asked me on a date 

fundy: surprisingly, the most unexpected thing out of everything listed 

sadnaphours: hey what the fuck is that supposed to mean 

dreamxd: it means karl is way too good for u 

fundy: dream gets it 

honkkarl: i dont think that sap :( 

sadnaphours: nono, karl. i know you're way too good for me 

sadnaphours: im just irresistible 

honkkarl: so true 

quacktitty: any truers in the chat 

womanmagnet5000: no. 

womanmagnet5000: i think sapnap is a dick 

sadnaphours: well ty tommy i appreciate u too 

womanmagnet5000: disgusting. 

wilbysot: i hate kids 

womanmagnet5000: good bc kids probably hate u too dumb bitch 

ranbootypes: he was calling you a kid, tommy 

womanmagnet5000: what. the. fuck. 

wilbysot: :) 

fundy: um what did you guys do with the drugs 

jschlong: wouldn't you like to know? 

philza: why does nobody listen to me when i say not to bring illegal substances onto campus grounds. 

quacktitty: sorry i couldnt hear u while running from the police 

philza: we're messaging each other, what is there to hear? 

womanmagnet5000: karl do not go out with sapnap

honkkarl: why not 

womanmagnet5000: he is mean to me and my minecraft pets 

honkkarl: you guys play minecraft together? thats sweet 

womanmagnet5000: thats not what i meant. 

sadnaphours: :P 

womanmagnet5000: karl he killed my beloved chicken 

honkkarl: what 

quacktitty: GASP IS THIS TRUE 

quacktitty: SAPNAP IS AN ANIMAL MURDERER CONFIRMED??? 

sadnaphours: he provoked me. 

womanmagnet5000: HE WAS A CHICKEN. BITCH.

honkkarl: sap i cant believe you 

sadnaphours: im about to run over a child 

technoblade: send a video so i can make a fancam out of it

womanmagnet5000: whose side are u on 

technoblade: the side with the killing? i thought this was obvious 

fundy: i miss dream, where did he go? 

dreamxd: u called 

skepeepee: simp 

dreamxd: at least i get bitches 

fundy: did u just call me a bitch 

dreamxd: my bitch <3 

skepeepee: gross its too early for flirting 

dreamxd: u haven't seen flirting yet 

404notfound: fundy are u really going for the pissbaby 

womanmagnet5000: ur better than this big man 

technoblade: i love the dream slander 

dreamxd: i know the english major isnt talking 

technoblade: hm? sorry, im waiting until you choose a useful major. 

dreamxd: thinking about dropping out and playing mc for a living 

philza: guys. 

technoblade: do it. i'll laugh. 

wilbysot: you literally spent your gap year playing minecraft, techno 

technoblade: what was that, theatre kid? 

womanmagnet5000: get his ass 

wilbysot: aren't you still in high school, tommy? 

womanmagnet5000: bitch.


	13. showering: what to use and not to use

**lol funny**

quacktitty: guys i have some bad news and some good news 

honkkarl: quackity we are not bailing you out of jail again 

dreamxd: my car has been through enough 

skepeepee: u somehow bring in ur car again ugh 

dreamxd: um sorry that im rich or something?? 

dreamxd: sorry that i can pass a drivers test? 

dreamxd: sorry that i dont have to pester bad every time i want to go to target? 

skepeepee: lmao cant wait until u crash ur car u dumb fuck 

quacktitty: uh guys, my thing? 

dreamxd: sorry quacks, just making sure this idiot stays in his place 

skepeepee: i hope you know that i hate you and never want to get inside ur stupid car. 

dreamxd: my car would never let you go near it. it can sense poor people. 

skepeepee: ok walmart shoes 

quacktitty: OKAY SO BAD NEWS IS 

skepeepee: stupid bitch 

dreamxd: poor virgin 

quacktitty: im leaving schlatt 

skepeepee: huh 

dreamxd: im sorry what 

sadnaphours: hello im here now, are you serious? 

jschlong: babe? 

quacktitty: what the fuck is this you sicko 

\- _quacktitty has attached an image._

jschlong: thats my shampoo? 

quacktitty: AND CONDITIONER. 

quacktitty: YOU USE 2 IN 1 SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER. ARE YOU OKAY? 

dreamxd: you've got to be kidding me. 

jschlong: i know, dream. it's fucking crazy. 

dreamxd: no, not quackity. you. who the fuck uses 2in1 shampoo? 

sadnaphours: its quicker??? 

jschlong: YES. thank you, sapnap. 

honkkarl: schlatt owns a gun but you draw the line at shampoo? 

quacktitty: at least guns actually work. combination conditioner and shampoo is a heinous lie. 

skepeepee: whats the good news,,? 

quacktitty: the good news is that he's hot so im not gonna leave him 

jschlong: im not going to stop using 2 in 1 shampoo, babe. its cheap and takes 2 minutes. 

skepeepee: sounds like my sex life 

dreamxd: LMAO self burn, now those are rare. 

quacktitty: schlatt ur literally rich

jschlong: i use all my money on you, what the hell am i supposed to do? stop taking you to chipotle? 

quacktitty: i want my bf to have nice hair 

jschlong: doesn't stop u from running ur hands through it so why the fuck are you complaining. shut up and accept it. 

jschlong: i use combo shampoo and conditioner. can you live with that? 

quacktitty: no. 

\- _quacktitty has attached an image._

jschlong: what the fuck is wrong with you 

dreamxd: YES THROW IT OUT NOBODY LIKES THAT SHIT 

sadnaphours: why are you squirting it all out of the container??? just throw the whole thing away in one piece to make it easier 

nikuwu: what in the world did i walk in on,, 

dreamxd: niki. opinions on 2in1 shampoo and conditioner? 

nikuwu: no opinion rlly, just wouldnt use it :) 

quacktitty: thats my girl 

nikuwu: um i just wanted to ask if i could add minx? 

jschlong: please. i need her rn. 

quacktitty: oh u need her, do u? 

\- _quacktitty has attached a video._

jschlong: babe please stop putting it all in my fucking bin, that shit is nice. 

dreamxd: drain it all, quackity. 

**welcome _justaminx_ to 'lol funny'! **

justaminx: stop the applause guys, im only a simple girl 

jschlong: send a pic of ur shampoo. 

justaminx: why? what did you do to it? 

quacktitty: hola hermosa :) 

justaminx: oo hello handsome, how are you? 

jschlong: what the fuck hello??? 

quacktitty: im great now that you're here ;))) 

quacktitty: pls send a pic of ur shampoo? 

justaminx: sure thing

jschlong: can u send a pic of ur tits too 

technoblade: and suddenly im leaving again

nikuwu: techno pls stay im so worried 

technoblade: niki, let me save u. we're getting out of here. 

justaminx: do u want my conditioner too? 

\- _justaminx has attached an image._

quacktitty: thank god 

quacktitty: this makes up for ur height bae <3 

justaminx: its not my fault ur 4'2 

quacktitty: pain. 

quacktitty: wanna throw out schlatts 2 in 1 shampoo?? 

justaminx: yeah i'll be right over 

quacktitty: dont u need the room number 

justaminx: lmao no?? i've been around there enough to know dw 

quacktitty: huh. okay. 

jschlong: babe 

quacktitty: yes? 

\- _quacktitty has attached a video._

jschlong: quackity. 

honkkarl: its ya boi with his free taco 

_\- karl has attached an image._

honkkarl: oh sorry are u guys still on this shampoo thing 

sadnaphours: they are. 

justaminx: hello karl, still single? 

honkkarl: not for long i hope hehe 

justaminx: well if u ever feel like ur current partner is getting boring, im right here :) 

honkkarl: um i'll keep that in mind, minx! 

quacktitty: lmao why do u have two of these? but u cant afford to buy separate shampoo and conditioner?? 

_\- quacktitty has attached an image._

jschlong: fuck babe please 

quacktitty: i already emptied the first bottle. there is no stopping me. 

jschlong: babe oh my god its a 30 dollar bottle 

quacktitty: what. 

dreamxd: WHAT? 

dreamxd: you spend how much on 2in1 shampoo? 

jschlong: it lasts longer and smells nice. 

jschlong: but apparently it doesnt last that fucking long when you have a crazy boyfriend 

quacktitty: how the hell was i supposed to know you spend all your savings on a fucking shampoo and conditioner bottle 

jschlong: i have literally washed ur hair with it before 

quacktitty: y. you. you. YOU. touched me. with. with that. with that 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner? 

jschlong: yes. 

honkkarl: hey guys dms are a thing 

quacktitty: karl ur so pretty ilysm but shut up i am traumatised. 

quacktitty: YOU. WASHED. MY HAIR. WITH 2 IN 1 SHAMPOO? 

jschlong: yeah, go cry about it. 

justaminx: who the fuck uses 2in1 shampoo 

dreamxd: idk man,, 

sadnaphours: its quicker for when you have early classes 

justaminx: fair. you single, sapnap? 

sadnaphours: im taking karl on a date soon 

justaminx: worth a shot 

dreamxd: you could always ask george 

justaminx: why are you offering up your own bf

dreamxd: i. 

skepeepee: LMAO HAHAHDAHA

dreamxd: this hurts way more than it should :) 

sadnaphours: pats back 

sadnaphours: its okay buddy 

nikuwu: minx u can ask me :( 

justaminx: niki ur too pretty for me, you know this 

nikuwu: we can be pretty gfs 

jschlong: i aint never seen two pretty gfs 

justaminx: i know u arent talking. 

jschlong: send tits and i will stop talking B) 

quacktitty: i dont care how expensive ur dumb shampoo is anymore 

jschlong: babe im kidding i love ur tits come here 

quacktitty: dont. 

jschlong: idc if ur flat babe pls 

sadnaphours: he's gone offline dude idk what to tell u 

jschlong: is it bc i called him flat 

honkkarl: do u want ur bf to have double ds 

jschlong: like lil nas? yes. 

dreamxd: god why am i single and this man is not 

fundy: i can change that :) 

dreamxd: oh? 

sadnaphours: hey dream, can you help me with something? i cant get our tv to work 

dreamxd: oh yh sure 

fundy: do u wanna talk later? 

dreamxd: yes, ofc. 

honkkarl: but i got taco bell for everyone :( 

honkkarl: where did u guys go 

technoblade: i heard taco bell 

honkkarl: techno! 

technoblade: i will only come and have some bc i pity you. 

honkkarl: hehe okay 

nikuwu: me and minx are coming too 

honkkarl: oo ok tea party 

technoblade: i'll bring my teapot. 

justaminx: ur what now? 

technoblade: do u want me at this tea party or not? 

justaminx: oh pls. i need to see this. 


	14. mr brightside 1:00 - 1:03

**lol funny**

dreamxd: do u guys want cupcakes 

jschlong: can mine have a penis on it :) 

dreamxd: does anyone else want cupcakes 

fundy: sure, if you're offering 

dreamxd: oh well i wasnt actually planning on giving anyone any but yeah sure, you can have some 

skepeepee: cnt believe u guys call me the simp 

muffinboyhalo: lololol skeppys a simp 

skepeepee: no im not :/ 

honkkarl: haha skeppys such a simp 

muffinboyhalo: skeppys the og simp owo 

technoblade: SIMP 

womanmagnet5000: lmao skeppy ur such a simp man calm down 

skepeepee: shut up oh my god 

dreamxd: what the hell skeppy why are u simping so much today? get a grip dude 

muffinboyhalo: hehe simppy 

404notfound: LOL nice one bad 

sadnaphours: simppy 

muffinboyhalo: skeppy why do u simp so much o-o 

skepeepee: shut the fuck up bad 

muffinboyhalo: language oh my gosh :( 

womanmagnet5000: that wasnt very pog champ skeppy

skepeepee: im sorry 

muffinboyhalo: its ok geppy :) 

muffinboyhalo: skeppy* 

fundy: cupcakewastaken 

\- _fundy has attached an image._

sadnaphours: i want cupcake :(( 

dreamxd: no :) 

sadnaphours: gimme 

sadnaphours: grabby hands <//3 

dreamxd: dude i love u 

sadnaphours: :DD 

dreamxd: but no fucking way 

sadnaphours: ur so mean to me

honkkarl: we can bake cupcakes together sap 

sadnaphours: okay ig :'( 

dreamxd: yh get ur own cupcakes 

wilbysot: funny how u didnt say that to fundy 

dreamxd: fundys different 

sadnaphours: ohh i get it now 

sadnaphours: ur doing charity work towards the furries 

jschlong: makes sense. good on you, man.

fundy: im not a furry 

jschlong: you say that and all i hear is bark bark woof woof 

fundy: dick. 

jschlong: hm? was that a meow, cat boy? 

justaminx: go choke on ur 2 inch penis, schlatt 

justaminx: nobody else is gonna choke on it for u :) 

honkkarl: minx coming in with the save? 

sadnaphours: actually spit on him and call him dogwater? 

dreamxd: are u gonna box him like a fish? 

quacktitty: should i call the wambulance? 

404notfound: but will schlatt be able to hear the sirens through his dollar store headphones? 

jschlong: what the fuck 

jschlong: babe are u siding with them? 

quacktitty: suck it up 

dreamxd: LMAO 

justaminx: leave fundy alone, what if he's being forced to be a furry? 

fundy: im not a furry pls 

justaminx: what if he was living on the streets before and can only get by as a furry? 

fundy: sigh 

jschlong: fuck ur probably right, minx. we should have sex. 

justaminx: no thanks i'd rather eat a baby 

jschlong: we can be making babies instead 

justaminx: im leaving to take a piss and never coming back 

jschlong: do me a favour and send a video 

quacktitty: do you ever stop 

jschlong: no, never 

jschlong: sex? 

quacktitty: whats in it for me 

jschlong: me :) 

dreamxd: maybe i would rather stay single 

fundy: are you sure? 

dreamxd: dont make me act up 

sadnaphours: this is disgusting 

dreamxd: oh sorry sapnap, never seen a pretty dude before? 

sadnaphours: how could i not have when karl actually exists 

honkkarl: i think ur pretty sap :) 

quacktitty: stfu guys im the prettiest 

404notfound: i used to be the prettiest :/ 

quacktitty: gross, to who? 

womanmagnet5000: LOL 

sadnaphours: ur very gorgeous to me george 

sadnaphours: some may say georgeous 

tubbees: u cant spell gorgeous without george :) 

404notfound: oh yes, bc my names gorge 

tubbees: isnt it? 

ranbootypes: it is tubbo dw 

fundy: i think ur pretty george 

404notfound: thanks. 

dreamxd: am i pretty, funds? :( 

fundy: ur so handsome dream 

dreamxd: :)) 

jschlong: damn i wish someone would call me handsome 

jschlong: right, quackity? 

quacktitty: huh what sorry i stopped paying attention when george got called pretty 

jschlong: whatever does anyone have vodka 

404notfound: i think wil has some in the fridge 

wilbysot: no thats my special vodka 

jschlong: wilbur ur so hot pls share? we can kiss ;* 

wilbysot: as appealing as that sounds, no <3 

womanmagnet5000: LOL WILBY HAS VODKA 

womanmagnet: FUCK 

womanmagnet5000: WILBUR* UR FUCKING USERNAME CONFUSES ME 

wilbysot: dw tommy ik u meant it 

womanmagnet5000: prick 

technoblade: how would father feel knowing u have vodka 

wilbysot: he gave it to me?? 

technoblade: what 

philza: to be completely fair, he is of age 

dreamxd: spare some vodka 

fundy: come over and we can have some together 

dreamxd: maybe we can watch netflix too, theres a documentary i wanna see 

fundy: maybe we can chill too? 

dreamxd: funds are u asking to netflix and chill rn 

dreamxd: right here? 

dristax3: this is disgusting. 

technoblade: my thoughts exactly. 

404notfound: ditto. 

dreamxd: they're just jealous fundy 

404notfound: big talk for someone who still to this day doesnt let me talk to techno in person 

dreamxd: he's a bitch 

technoblade: scared he'll replace you when realising how much cooler i am? 

dreamxd: george doesn't need to be reminded of how cool his best friend is 

404notfound: well actually 

dreamxd: shut it, george. you love me. 

404notfound: wouldnt it be the other way around 

404notfound: um jokingly obviously lol 

honkkarl: when george forgets to /j 

sadnaphours: karl, do u wanna do that date tonight? 

honkkarl: yes sure :)) 

dreamxd: if karls coming over, can i stay at fundys? 

sadnaphours: why dont u stay at georges 

404notfound: uh no thanks, me and wil are gonna be watching criminal minds 

wilbysot: we are? 

404notfound: yeah. remember? 

wilbysot: no?? 

ranbootypes: story of my life 

tubbees: LMAO 

dreamxd: u can literally just say that u dont want me over, george 

dreamxd: you weren't my first choice anyway 

404notfound: huh. funny. 

fundy: are you two okay? 

404notfound: yeah, fundy. 

wilbysot: when did i say we were gonna watch criminal minds?? i dont watch that american shit 

404notfound: shut up wil, i was fucking lying 

technoblade: this is going great guys 

404notfound: do you want to grab some kfc together, techno? 

dreamxd: so mature 

404notfound: i know you aren't being sarcastic to me right now, dream 

dreamxd: what if i was 

404notfound: 'so mature', like you aren't hitting on the first sad guy you can find 

fundy: ok ouch 

dreamxd: what if i actually like fundy 

404notfound: then wow. good for you. i don't care. 

technoblade: uh 

technoblade: gotta pass on that kfc, im having dinner with the family tonight 

womanmagnet5000: ur coming home? pog? 

tubbees: can i come over and eat with u guys 

ranbootypes: can i go 

tubbees: wherever i go, ranboo goes 

womanmagnet5000: can tubbo and ranboo come 

philza: i dont think i can say no 

wilbysot: do u guys want me to order pizza

technoblade: yes. tommy is never cooking for us again. 

womanmagnet5000: what was wrong with it??? 

philza: so much salt. 

wilbysot: im getting war flashbacks just thinking about it 

technoblade: i will never look at salt the same again. 

sadnaphours: where did george and dream go 

wilbysot: idk probably to cry 

404notfound: thanks wilbur but im right here 

sadnaphours: do u want to come and hang out with me and karl 

honkkarl: we dont mind 

404notfound: are u seriously pitying me enough to ask me to thirdwheel? 

quacktitty: dont listen to them, u can come over to mine :) 

jschlong: i dont allow it 

quacktitty: u arent invited 

404notfound: ok ig 

jschlong: fine then im going to fundys 

fundy: what 

jschlong: free vodka 

jschlong: give me a furry suit tour 

jschlong: do u have a sex dungeon too? 

jschlong: i want one 

fundy: i hate it here

jschlong: whats ur fursona 

fundy: do u get worse when ur drunk 

jschlong: i've been told that i get better 

jschlong: but i may grab onto ur tits :) 

fundy: i dont have 

fundy: ykw doesnt matter 

jschlong: so i can grab ur tits 

fundy: no? 

jschlong: okay :/


	15. nicotine and grey eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick ty for all the love and support for this fic, ily all so much tysm :)

**dreamxd, sadnaphours**

dreamxd: can i talk to u 

sadnaphours: dream im busy rn 

dreamxd: oh fuck sorry are u like 

dreamxd: yk 

dreamxd: are u,, 

sadnaphours: would i be responding to you if i was 

dreamxd: i mean maybe 

dreamxd: are you and karl still on a date 

sadnaphours: he fell asleep 

dreamxd: oh 

sadnaphours: on my shoulder 

\- _sadnaphours attached an image._

dreamxd: oh fuck get it sappynap 

sadnaphours: god he's so pretty 

dreamxd: he kinda is im ngl 

sadnaphours: he has like the most beautiful grey eyes ever 

sadnaphours: like i could stare at them for hours and not get bored 

sadnaphours: and ofc he has grey eyes, it just fits him so perfectly 

dreamxd: im glad ur happy sap 

sadnaphours: i think i could get high just off his smile 

dreamxd: ur such a simp 

sadnaphours: simping for karl is a lifestyle 

dreamxd: its been one date 

sadnaphours: its more than you've gotten lately 

dreamxd: thanks. 

sadnaphours: sorry man, i didnt mean it like that 

dreamxd: no its fine, ur right 

dreamxd: is it wrong for me to be flirting with fundy 

sadnaphours: no? i dont think so, its just uhh idk rlly 

dreamxd: such a way with words. 

sadnaphours: whatever dude 

dreamxd: george definitely told you about the love confession thing right 

sadnaphours: yeah 

dreamxd: so i dont get why he's being so pissy about fundy. he doesn't like me back lmao 

dreamxd: maybe george just doesn't want me to be happy 

sadnaphours: okay dream chill 

sadnaphours: talk to george about this 

sadnaphours: you two really need to talk to each other, i really hate being in the middle of this 

dreamxd: i dont feel like it 

sadnaphours: ur kidding 

dreamxd: sap im literally in love with him?? i told him i was in love with him, and you know what he said? 

sadnaphours: i've been told. 

dreamxd: fuck and he's talking to you about this more than me, the one person who really wants to know his thoughts rn bc hey george!! i confessed to you!!! pls give me some fucking closure so i can learn to get over you man!! 

dreamxd: it hurts so bad 

dreamxd: idk what to do :) 

sadnaphours: talk to him. it'll do you both some good. 

dreamxd: or i could ask fundy out on a date 

sadnaphours: do you even like fundy 

dreamxd: i could grow to like him 

dreamxd: he's cute ig 

sadnaphours: don't be a prick and spare his feelings, dream 

sadnaphours: please talk to george 

dreamxd: i cant 

sadnaphours: yes you can 

dreamxd: i think i need a smoke rn :/ 

sadnaphours: hey no 

sadnaphours: this will not be the thing that breaks you 

sadnaphours: talk to george. 

dreamxd: tAlk To GEorgE 

dreamxd: whatever im going 

sadnaphours: to talk to george? 

dreamxd: fuck you 

dreamxd: yes 

**lol funny**

quacktitty: and then i told bad my grandma lived a very licey life 

skepeepee: sounds like a story 

404notfound: so unbelievable 

quacktitty: do u want to die of lice dumb bitch 

muffinboyhalo: this story was very traumatising 

ranbootypes: how does someone die of lice 

quacktitty: want to find out ranboo? 

ranbootypes: no thank you 

quacktitty: no, come here stupid bitch u can have my dead uncles lice 

dreamxd: hey guys 

wilbysot: thank god, i dont think i can stare at this chat for any longer 

dreamxd: sorry wil but i just came here to do one thing and leave again 

quacktitty: wilbur we should duet 

honkkarl: oo hop in vc and we can karaoke 

404notfound: i refuse to sing thx 

dreamxd: oh actually 

dreamxd: george dms pls 

404notfound: uhh u sure ahaha,, 

quacktitty: go sext ur bf we dont care gogy 

honkkarl: the less simps the better 

honkkarl: sapnap says he wants to join too 

wilbysot: dont call dream and george simps when you're literally on a date rn 

honkkarl: lol sorry wilbur, i just couldn't hear you through the fact that you have no bitches 

quacktitty: LOL imagine not having bitches 

honkkarl: literally 0 bitches wilbur 

dreamxd: george pls im dying here 

wilbysot: good. join me. 

quacktitty: man up wilby 

wilbysot: listen here you little shit 

**404notfound, dreamxd**

dreamxd: can we talk 

404notfound: is it too late to say no? 

dreamxd: are you like disgusted by me or something george 

404notfound: wtf no??? im just not good with sentimental shit i have like 0 emotions dream, you know this 

dreamxd: why are you acting like a little bitch about me and fundy 

404notfound: wow so we really are getting straight into it huh 

404notfound: no sugarcoating?? no prep?? just diving right in. okok i see your game 

dreamxd: seriously dude 

404notfound: okay 'dude', you told me you loved me and then went to flirt with fundy like huh??? 

dreamxd: i dont think we had the same conversation george bc here's what actually happened: 

dreamxd: you pester me and i cave, i tell you im in love with you and you ran out so fast that i knew then that you didnt like me back in any fucking way so i thought 'might as well do myself some good and move tf on' and then you decide to be a jealous shit about it. 

dreamxd: get your feelings in check, george 

404notfound: i never said that i didnt like you back 

dreamxd: i think the fact that you dipped quicker than sonic speaks for itself. 

dreamxd: i just came here to tell you that i love you, george, and if you can just yell at me to stop or something, it may be really fucking helpful. 

404notfound: how is it? 

dreamxd: what 

404notfound: the love 

dreamxd: i dont know? its a bit of a headfuck tbh 

404notfound: can you give me some time 

dreamxd: for what 

404notfound: is it nice to love me 

dreamxd: i mean, yeah. sure. i love loving you. i can't help it. it makes me feel crazy shit and it makes me want to tear my hair out but i wouldn't care bc at the end of the day, you exist and that's enough. 

dreamxd: as cheesy and stupid as it sounds 

dreamxd: can you answer my questions now 

404notfound: i have to go 

dreamxd: you're fucking kidding me george 

404notfound: im sorry dream 

404notfound: but ty this was a nice talk 

dreamxd: im gonna ask fundy out on a date, george. 

dreamxd: is that okay? 

404notfound: bye, dream 

dreamxd: give me fucking something for fucks sake 

dreamxd: you can tell me not to and i wont 

404notfound: then dont 

dreamxd: but why 

404notfound: its complicated dream 

dreamxd: do you just want to be wanted, george? 

404notfound: thats not it 

dreamxd: then why not? why can't i ask fundy out? why do you have a go at me every time i talk to him? 

404notfound: why do you think, dream? 

404notfound: if you want to ask fundy out so bad then just fucking do it. 

dreamxd: but i know you don't want me to 

404notfound: who cares anymore 

dreamxd: i care. he isn't you, george. 

dreamxd: i want to be with you. 

404notfound: i don't want to be with you, dream 

dreamxd: okay. 

404notfound: no, i do but 

404notfound: i dont? it's hard 

dreamxd: whats hard? 

404notfound: this is why i dont wanna be in a relationship 

dreamxd: what do you mean 

404notfound: these really petty arguments and how bad they make me feel 

404notfound: and its so dumb bc i shouldn't be hurting so much right now, you know? but you do that to me and it's scary and i hate it 

dreamxd: so it feels like a headfuck 

404notfound: yeah. 

dreamxd: why can't we try this out, george? i really care about you 

404notfound: what if that stops 

dreamxd: that'll never stop, no matter what happens between us 

dreamxd: you're my best friend 

404notfound: can i think about it 

dreamxd: i won't wait long 

404notfound: okay 

dreamxd: i didn't mean that to make me sound like a dick, i just don't wanna be strung along for nothing 

404notfound: right, okay 

404notfound: i'll talk to you soon dream 

dreamxd: cool 

404notfound: cool? you're such an idiot 

dreamxd: what the hell am i supposed to say 

404notfound: maybe a 'thanks george ur so awesome' 

dreamxd: thanks george ur so awesome 

404notfound: that doesn't feel the same now that i told u to say it 

dreamxd: thanks george i love you 

404notfound: shut up oh my god 

dreamxd: :) 


	16. boyfri(end)s

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> help not the cringy boyfri(end) thing for the title im so sorry. it was gonna be called heat waves but then i remembered that sometimes all i think about is you late nights in the middle of june :pensive:

**lol funny**

honkkarl: fit check 

_\- honkkarl has attached an image._

jschlong: karl you've looked so handsome recently 

honkkarl: oh ty 

jschlong: so pretty 

jschlong: wonder what you'd look like elsewhere 

honkkarl: oh,, ty? 

jschlong: okay fine i'll send nudes, u dont have to ask again ahaha 

quacktitty: schlatt 

jschlong: babe, threesomes are a thing 

quacktitty: hes my best friend 

jschlong: ok and? u don't see sapnap complaining 

sadnaphours: u kinda scare me man 

honkkarl: ur kidding 

jschlong: its okay sapnap ur gorgeous 

jschlong: how about a foursome? i'll pay for the condoms and everything, ropes, anything. you name it guys 

honkkarl: anything?? are u serious? 

jschlong: what? u into some kinky shit, jacobs? do share. this is a safe space. 

sadnaphours: can you not talk to him like that 

jschlong: shut the fuck up 

jschlong: met way better cucks than you 

quacktitty: schlatt please just be quiet 

sadnaphours: listen to your boyfriend, schlatt. 

jschlong: listen to _my_ boyfriend? whats he gonna do, pull me into a chokehold with his 3'4 ass? 

honkkarl: guys i think we should all just get along 

jschlong: fuck you're so hot karl 

jschlong: has sapnap been treating you right? need a mans love? 

sadnaphours: okay listen u weirdly attractive dickhead 

sadnaphours: u might take law and u may be smarter than me but i am really not good at this, karl help me out 

honkkarl: sapnaps hilarious 

sadnaphours: yes thanks karl 

jschlong: just call urself a himbo and leave, sapnap. im trying to hook up with your boyfriend 

sadnaphours: hes not my boyfriend 

jschlong: oh? 

sadnaphours: god why the fuck did i say that 

sadnaphours: yes hes my boyfriend we're boyfriends 

honkkarl: we're boyfriends? 

sadnaphours: yeah 

sadnaphours: i mean if u want to be lmao uhh not gonna like force u into anything ahaha,, but yeah yk so yeah 

honkkarl: yeah schlatt, we're boyfriends 

jschlong: what fucking dorks what the fuck 

jschlong: apart from you, sapnap. you make it sexy. call me anytime. 

quacktitty: he always does this, just ignore him 

jschlong: babe you've neglected me for the past couple of days. i am exploring other options 

quacktitty: this is why im neglecting you, you dumb fuck 

quacktitty: i should be your only option 

jschlong: jealousy is kinda hot on you 

quacktitty: can i never have a normal argument with my boyfriend 

jschlong: fuck okay yeah, lets argue. i love make-up sex. 

jschlong: you're a bitch, alex. slap me across the face. 

sadnaphours: i think im gonna leave now 

quacktitty: i cant do this anymore 

honkkarl: quacks? 

quacktitty: no, its fine. im just so over having everything be a joke to you, schlatt. 

jschlong: i can get serious if you fucking want me to, jesus 

jschlong: just call me over. i'll yell at you until you cry and then leave you there. 

sadnaphours: is being a dick all you know how to do 

jschlong: that and being incredibly humble and sexy 

honkkarl: maybe tone it down a little yk :) 

jschlong: shut your hot mouth up, jacobs 

jschlong: i can handle this 

sadnaphours: maybe leave karl alone in the process? 

jschlong: dont think im excluding you, sappynappy 

jschlong: wink 

honkkarl: oh my god just get out 

jschlong: fine i'll fuck my actual boyfriend, fucking weirdos 

quacktitty: don't go anywhere fucking near me 

jschlong: dont play hard to get shawty 

jschlong: wait are you serious? 

quacktitty: does it matter 

jschlong: no 

quacktitty: are you coming over anyways 

jschlong: yes? im horny?? 

quacktitty: is your right hand not treating you well enough 

jschlong: you'd treat me better 

quacktitty: karl can u lock the door 

honkkarl: happy to 

jschlong: what the fuck 

quacktitty: im cutting you off 

jschlong: what no 

quacktitty: yeah. no contact. no nothing. 

jschlong: im a dying man quackity 

quacktitty: see u monday babe 

muffinboyhalo: hey guys! me and skeppy made muffins 

muffinboyhalo: what did we miss?? 

honkkarl: u really dont wanna know 

sadnaphours: i stopped following after a while tbh 

skepeepee: mybe quity shd cut schltts dick of :-) 

404notfound: maybe* quackity* should* schlatts* off* 

skepeepee: stoopid bich 

404notfound: i've been lurking for a while 

sadnaphours: pls dont let those two idiots ruin your chances of finding love 

404notfound: idk man 

muffinboyhalo: what happened o.o 

skepeepee: dnt luk bad dw 

honkkarl: schlatts not allowed to have sex until monday 

muffinboyhalo: OH EW LANGUAGE 

honkkarl: u asked, not me 

muffinboyhalo: will he be okay 

sadnaphours: schlatt without sex for a whole week? yeah, no 

muffinboyhalo: i was asking about quackity 

sadnaphours: oh then no again, probably 

skepeepee: wll thy be ok 

honkkarl: they've just hit a rough patch dw 

404notfound: yeah right 

sadnaphours: dont listen to george, he hates love and everything to do with it 

404notfound: quackity snapped after like so many times with him having to watch schlatt hit on someone else, it's literally never gonna recover from that 

sadnaphours: schlatt jokingly flirts with people, we all do 

404notfound: yeah but this time schlatts taken it too far and now its the end of everything 

skepeepee: who hurt u 

404notfound: divorced parents 

skepeepee: mkes sence 

404notfound: makes sense* 

skepeepee: ill let i slid 

quacktitty: wow thanks for saying my relationship is doomed, george 

404notfound: ok i didnt mean it like that 

sadnaphours: maybe u should shut it 

fundy: sap, dream needs help 

404notfound: you're with dream? 

fundy: yeah, art project stuff :)) 

fundy: um but we took a detour to a store and now he's gotten lots of pop tarts that just exploded in the back of his car so.. 

404notfound: dick 

fundy: me? 

404notfound: no, not you 

sadnaphours: george tone down the jealousy 

sadnaphours: how the fuck did the pop tarts explode 

fundy: hot weather 

dreamxd: maybe it was just bc ur so hot that it heated up the back seats 

fundy: u arent in the right mindset rn dream 

dreamxd: pop tarts :( 

sadnaphours: theres so much happening today 

404notfound: so ur painting dreams hands, right? 

404notfound: how cute 

dreamxd: no not cute bc pop tart :( 

fundy: dream are u crying rn 

dreamxd: pop tarts went boom 

womanmagnet5000: someone get this man a therapist 

fundy: uh anyways 

fundy: yes, i am painting dreams hands. they're nice, i like how they look. 

404notfound: what else do you like, fundy? ever wondered how'd they feel wrapped around ur wrists? 

fundy: george what 

404notfound: ur neck? thats scandalous 

sadnaphours: what the hell is happening 

jschlong: maybe its just a bad day for couples 

honkkarl: are u even bothered by any of this 

jschlong: no? theres a new strip club downtown and im hyped 

dreamxd: pop tart? 

jschlong: maybe there might be a stripper called pop tart 

sadnaphours: dream, no. 

technoblade: what has this chat become 

fundy: maybe its the hot weather, it might be getting to everyone 

404notfound: god ur so smart fundy!! 

sadnaphours: lmao ok guys im crying inside is that what u wanted 

quacktitty: ur going to a fucking strip club? 

404notfound: fuck this 

fundy: listen george, he isn't even yours 

404notfound: ohh, so the furry can defend himself? 

muffinboyhalo: guys..? 

dreamxd: pop tarts :D 

honkkarl: guys 

jschlong: u can join me if u want quackity but it'll cost u 

fundy: we're fucking friends, george. stop being so insecure. 

quacktitty: i am your boyfriend, not your fucking prostitute, schlatt. 

sadnaphours: guys 

404notfound: i am not fucking insecure. i don't even like dream. i'm just worried about him hanging out with an asshole like you. 

dreamxd: are you fucking kidding me, george? 

jschlong: go back to ur pop tart shit dream. shits going down. 

quacktitty: u dick, pay attention to me. 

sadnaphours: um guys

fundy: call me the asshole when you're the one acting like a little bitch right now 

honkkarl: OH MY GOD. 

honkkarl: SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP 

honkkarl: i just. god. 

honkkarl: guys!! hey! this is a public, A PUBLIC, group chat!!! sort your shit out in your own time. my boyfriend is hyperventilating right now. bad is literally confused as shit and you guys are all acting like dicks. 

honkkarl: i wanna talk about classes and my beautiful sweaters and the funny joke chris told me today, not fucking this. 

honkkarl: okay? so just dms. okay. they're a thing. 

404notfound: whatever 

dreamxd: i have a car full of pop tarts to deal with so i'll just,, yeah bye 

skepeepee: thnk i jst pised mysef 

muffinboyhalo: does anyone want muffins.. 

sadnaphours: yes pls bad 

technoblade: so much confusion 

honkkarl: don't worry about it. 


	17. big F.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really dont think schlatt went to harvard bc i. have u seen him. but ykw for the sake of this college fanfic message thing, yes he is going to harvard law and how did he get in? money. 
> 
> do i know a thing about college admissions? no, no i do not. but google is a handy device that i trust with my life. thank god for harvards website

**lol funny**

jschlong: im moving 

sadnaphours: ok? hi moving, im dad 

jschlong: after this semester lol 

sadnaphours: wait what 

quacktitty: what? 

jschlong: i'm applying for harvard again, someone i know goes there and they can help me out 

quacktitty: is this a joke?? its really funny babe

jschlong: no??? 

quacktitty: call me right now 

jschlong: busy 

quacktitty: but not busy enough to text? 

jschlong: i'll dm you 

honkkarl: :) 

justaminx: i really like this dms rule you've put, karl 

**jschlong, quacktitty**

quacktitty: are you lying to me 

jschlong: i've always wanted to go to harvard, you know that 

quacktitty: whats wrong with this law course? 

jschlong: just doesnt feel right 

jschlong: harvard was always my plan, quacks. 

quacktitty: then why are you here now and not there already? 

jschlong: i put all of that on hold for you 

quacktitty: what? 

jschlong: yeah, i was really into you back in senior year and we were best friends. i would rather have kept you than a dumb, cool law degree 

quacktitty: are you saying thats changed? 

jschlong: no, i just think that now that i have you, we could make it work and it wouldn't matter how far i was 

quacktitty: you don't 'have' me. i'm not yours to have. 

jschlong: this is really big for me, alex 

quacktitty: dont u have to take lsats or something 

jschlong: i took that last year 

quacktitty: you never told me 

jschlong: you never asked until now 

quacktitty: what if you dont get in? 

jschlong: i know i will 

quacktitty: can't you just go back to being the 'wow i love sex' guy, i really hate it when you change your whole attitude 

jschlong: didn't you want me to take things seriously 

quacktitty: i wanted you to take our relationship seriously, and now you're gonna be in a whole different state so 

jschlong: i'll visit you 

jschlong: its a 20 hour drive down and a 2 hour flight if i wanna take a plane 

quacktitty: why did you never tell me? a warning would have been nice 

jschlong: got a call out of the blue. didn't wanna pass it up. 

quacktitty: would you have passed it up a year ago? 

jschlong: why a year ago? 

quacktitty: we were really good then 

jschlong: are we not anymore? 

quacktitty: is that a joke 

quacktitty: i can't do long distance with you, schlatt 

jschlong: don't you trust me 

quacktitty: to be completely honest, no i don't 

quacktitty: i feel like you'd get drunk and end up getting someone pregnant 

quacktitty: or you'd at least do something like that 

jschlong: when did you start getting so insecure 

quacktitty: maybe it gets to me when you flirt with people who look way better than me 

jschlong: thats such a fucking lie. 

jschlong: you'll always look better than anyone to me, you know that 

quacktitty: what if i dont? what if you stopped telling me that and i forgot one day, schlatt? 

jschlong: then fine. you could look like a 56 year old man on crack and i would still want to be with you 

quacktitty: you're such a fucking liar 

jschlong: what the hell do you want me to say?

jschlong: yeah alex, i don't think i'd still be with you if you continue to look like shit 

jschlong: that it? good enough for you? 

quacktitty: if i continue to look like shit? what the fuck is that supposed to mean? 

jschlong: i was literally making something up, you look fine 

quacktitty: and fine is enough for you? great standards, schlatt. 

jschlong: you will always be enough for me. 

jschlong: i don't deserve you, quackity. seriously. 

jschlong: people go up to me and they tell me how lucky i am to have you. it's always how funny you are and how smart and likeable you are. tell me how many times someone has walked up to you and said the same about me. 

quacktitty: like lots of people, loads 

jschlong: fuck you're even lying to me right now, when we're fucking arguing just to make me feel better because you are way too fucking good for me.

jschlong: i don't know how i'm with you, quackity. i never treat you right and i am such an ass. people tell you that all the time. people say it in front of my fucking face. 

quacktitty: schlatt 

jschlong: this is me being serious, alex. you are the only person i ever get like this with. 

jschlong: i love you, so fucking much. and i am sorry that i don't show it enough and i'm sorry i don't tell you enough but i do. i really love you, always have, always will. 

jschlong: but nothing is gonna stop me from doing what i wanna do, quacks. 

quacktitty: its just a lot 

jschlong: i know 

quacktitty: and its really sudden 

quacktitty: harvards a great school, schlatt. you're probably even better than most of the people they admit, but i can't be away from you. i don't know how to be. 

jschlong: and im guessing coming with is not an option? 

quacktitty: i really like this school. 

jschlong: yeah 

quacktitty: but it's not for you, and that's fine. 

quacktitty: i really can't do long distance relationships though. i'm not ready for that. i mean, maybe if you gave me time, i would be but not right now. 

quacktitty: so im sorry but you're either staying or leaving, schlatt. 

jschlong: is that for good? 

quacktitty: you decide 

jschlong: quackity, i love you 

jschlong: but i'm sorry 

_quackity is typing..._

_read 14:18_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man this was really short :/


	18. its mental illness innit

_but i'm sorry_

quackity scans over that message two times before he begins typing, he scans it again mid-sentence and stops typing, he's deleting the response when he scans it another time. 

the words are embedded into his mind by the time he clicks his phone off and his knees buckle. he's brought to the floor in a matter of seconds, the tears seem to come with him. it was small, at first. a single teardrop. easy. your boyfriend's leaving, you're sad, but it doesn't take long for the realisation to kick in and you suddenly become a snotty, wet mess.

his boyfriend wasn't his boyfriend anymore. his boyfriend wasn't leaving, his boyfriend had already left him. the person who's going to go off to massachusetts isn't his boyfriend, it's the guy who broke his heart and left him to pick up the pieces. 

by text message. 

quackity feels like his sobs are gonna kill him, and he feels like his sniffles might suffocate him. no, he feels like he's being suffocated already. a breath is being punched out of his body every time he cries out and it hurts. it hurts like a bitch. 

he doesn't even care that his knees are aching due to the hardwood floor. heaven knows he's fucking used to it by now, but this'll probably be the last time he finds himself like this. 

the last time. 

quackity sobs again at the thought. 

he won't get to see him and he won't get to say goodbye. the semester ends next week. schlatt leaves next week. he's going to attend classes with that in his mind, he's going to walk the hallway where schlatt's room is and he's gonna know that everything inside is boxed up and ready to go. his friends are gonna be telling him stupid shit like 'good riddance' or 'it's gonna be okay' when quackity couldn't really care less for what any of them had to say. he just cared about one person. 

and that one person is leaving. 

no, because of course schlatt wasn't going to stay. he's always wanted to be a lawyer, he's always wanted to learn at one of the best schools, he's always planned to be the best of the best. it's schlatt, it's who he is. he will go and leave everything with him behind if it meant it would benefit him. quackity felt like an idiot telling schlatt to choose between leaving or staying because they both already knew the answer. quackity just hoped that he was enough, even for a second, he had believed he was enough for him to stay. 

and so yeah, what if he does go? that would have been okay, good for him. really. 

it's just trust at the end of the day. it all goes down to that. 

quackity could have been happy for him and he could have agreed to long distance in a heartbeat if he just trusted schlatt. it sounds awful but anything could happen over there without quackity finding out and he's scared of that. schlatt could cut his dick off and propose to him but it wouldn't make any difference. quackity needed time to gain that trust back and he didn't have any.

he isn't sure where he lost all of it. 

maybe it was the constant flirting with his friends or the stupid jokes he would make all the time that made quackity feel so fucking insecure, but he had lost trust for schlatt during the 2 and a half years they had together. it just ran out overtime. 

all he's been reduced to now is a crying blob. 

shit, you know? 

would quackity have saved time if he had listened to everyone telling him that schlatt was a bad idea? what if he had ended up with someone else during his freshmen year? what if. 

what did he think would happen? 

schlatt was arrogant and cocky, quackity was a naive idiot who fell for the snarky remarks and awful jokes. 

but underneath it all, schlatt was vulnerable and sweet and charming and caring and everything else that made quackity fall even more, and it was only with him. it was only when the two were alone that schlatt would spoil him with affection and love, it was always just a funny show schlatt had to put on when everyone else was watching. it was toxic and demanding and only beautiful behind curtains but it was theirs. 

well, not anymore. 

**━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━**

**honkkarl, quacktitty**

honkkarl: im so sorry quackity 

quacktitty: lmao its fine, im fine 

quacktitty: its fucking schlatt ofc he would do this. im really not surprised 

honkkarl: are you doing okay? im at walmart right now if you need anything 

quacktitty: if i need anything? 

honkkarl: yeah 

quacktitty: um 

quacktitty: lol nah its okay im just gonna play mc with stupid george and eat some leftovers 

honkkarl: you should rest for a bit 

quacktitty: im full of energy i swear, i always am dude 

honkkarl: sap and i found you on the floor crying, quackity 

quacktitty: okay everyone has bad days, man. get over it. i am fine. 

quacktitty: dream has an unhealthy addiction to pop tarts but nobody bats an eye at that 

honkkarl: dream isn't in love with pop tarts 

quacktitty: whatever i can get over him. ez. 

quacktitty: i can find another hot law student 

honkkarl: quackity please 

honkkarl: its fine to not be fine with a breakup 

quacktitty: yeah and you'd know all about it with your happy little relationship 

honkkarl: this isn't about me 

quacktitty: he's gonna break your heart one day and then you'll finally know 

honkkarl: quackity 

quacktitty: we had a thing, you know? 

honkkarl: us??

quacktitty: no, idiot. me and sapnap. 

quacktitty: used to hook up before i started dating schlatt 

quacktitty: great kisser, huh? 

honkkarl: get some rest, alex. 

quacktitty: but it was never meant to be, you know? the football player and the law major. tragic. 

quacktitty: you're welcome, by the way. probably wouldn't be with you if i didn't go falling for someone else.

honkkarl: quackity you aren't in your right mind rn, i get it. sapnaps told me everything. 

honkkarl: stop trying to bring me down with you, it wont be good for either of us. get some rest, i'll make something for you when i get back. 

quacktitty: aw look who's in a healthy relationship 

quacktitty: its a false sense of security. they fuck you over in the end. 

honkkarl: sleep or i'll put nytol in your food so you'll be out like a light 

quacktitty: don't drug me with sleeping pills ugh 

honkkarl: you're a mess rn quackity just let me take care of you 

quacktitty: no i dont need it. im fine. 

quacktitty: i'll hook up with dream next, ruin more potential relationships 

honkkarl: do u feel like losing another friend? 

quacktitty: idc about some british colourblind kid 

honkkarl: you guys love each other stfu, you're like annoying brothers 

quacktitty: didnt ask for ur input 

honkkarl: didnt ask for ur attitude. get some rest now. love you. 

quacktitty: ive heard that before 

honkkarl: goodnight. 

quacktitty: gn 

quacktitty: dumb bitch


	19. the seven stages of grief :thumbsup:

**lol funny**

_**jschlong** _ **left 'lol funny'!**

quacktitty: lol good riddance fucking dick 

dreamxd: are you doing alright 

quacktitty: yeah fuck that bitch 

quacktitty: anyways you've been looking kinda cute recently dream 

dreamxd: glad you noticed damn 

quacktitty: yeah we should totally make out or something ahaha idk 

quacktitty: post the kiss on my priv story that schlatt is definitely not on lmao yk just throwing out some ideas 

dreamxd: i would love to but i dont really go around kissing people bc of pity 

quacktitty: are u pitying me rn dream?? it doesnt have to be a pity kiss like we're both so sexy and it would just work 

honkkarl: quackity leave the poor boy alone 

quacktitty: oh hello, karl. 

honkkarl: how was your nap? 

quacktitty: it was horrible. you drugged me. 

womanmagnet5000: WHAT 

honkkarl: sleeping pills 

honkkarl: he hadn't slept for a couple days 

quacktitty: i was literally about to go to bed but okay 

honkkarl: you were literally stalking schlatts socials at 4 in the morning but okay 

sadnaphours: OOO GET EXPOSED 

quacktitty: i hope karl fucking leaves you 

sadnaphours: :( 

dreamxd: sigh,, quackity,,, 

quacktitty: yes sexy? 

dreamxd: do u want,, some of my pop tarts,,,, 

quacktitty: yes 

dreamxd: are u sure,,, 

quacktitty: if you're offering, yeah 

dreamxd: but like they're fudge pop tarts,, right,,, ahaha,,,,, they're gross,,,,, 

quacktitty: . 

quacktitty: just keep your dumb pop tarts dream 

dreamxd: no,,,, its,, fine,,,,, 

quacktitty: i dont want your pity food 

dreamxd: okay bye 

404notfound: why would he offer any when he doesn't even wanna give them away 

sadnaphours: he's such a dumbass 

dreamxd: i do wanna give them away 

sadnaphours: okay can i have some? 

dreamxd: are you heartbroken? 

sadnaphours: i could be 

sadnaphours: hit it karl 

honkkarl: ur stinky sapnap 

sadnaphours: oh no my heart is breaking 

sadnaphours: pop tarts would definitely help rn 

dreamxd: you guys suck 

quacktitty: i can suck if you want me to 

dreamxd: quackity, no 

quacktitty: your fucking loss then 

justaminx: is schlatt deadass leaving wtf 

quacktitty: congrats ur the last person to know 

justaminx: are you doing okay? long distance is gonna hurt like a bitch 

honkkarl: minx 

justaminx: when niki went to germany for christmas, i was so fucking depressed i think i drank all the alcohol in every fucking store man idk 

honkkarl: they aren't doing long distance minx 

quacktitty: :/ 

justaminx: ..anyways so i gotta go and shave my head lmao so sorry bye 

quacktitty: yeah that didn't sting at all 

dreamxd: its gonna be fine 

quacktitty: oh really dream? did your boyfriend leave you too? 

dreamxd: i mean i guess i went through something similar 

quacktitty: oh 

quacktitty: well good for u, nobody asked dream 

404notfound: you just did 

quacktitty: and i didn't ask for your input either george 

quacktitty: go buy me an apple or something colourblind bitch 

404notfound: i liked it better when schlatt was here 

quacktitty: LMAO ME TOO AHAHAHA WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON 

quacktitty: fucking idiot 

dreamxd: george pls god shut up 

404notfound: go back to ur furry bf 

dreamxd: go back to england 

sadnaphours: hey guys we should all calm down 

skepeepee: sex is the best cure 

quacktitty: schlatt used to believe that too 

honkkarl: why are you talking like hes dead 

quacktitty: he's dead to me lol xd 

dreamxd: nice one

womanmagnet5000: help him out dream, you've been a sad little shit once in your life too 

dreamxd: thanks?? 

quacktitty: this is different 

404notfound: how is this different? your partners both left you 

quacktitty: schlatt chose a school over me and dreams gf chose a guy 

dreamxd: i mean tbh she chose the guy while we were still dating so yk 

quacktitty: he chose the school when we were still dating too 

dreamxd: hurts, doesn't it? 

quacktitty: yeah. just when you think you're enough too. 

dreamxd: god ikr like what the fuck 

dreamxd: wasted a couple years of my life and for what? 

quacktitty: right?? fuck relationships man 

honkkarl: idk if this is working or not 

dreamxd: i miss her sometimes 

quacktitty: i miss him too 

dreamxd: im so sorry quackity 

quacktitty: im so sorry too you deserve way better 

dreamxd: you too man, we should share a pop tart and cry about it together 

quacktitty: so true dream im coming over 

sadnaphours: wait no dont come over 

sadnaphours: he isnt at our dorm 

dreamxd: they kicked me out to 'snuggle' 

quacktitty: i used to kick karl out to 'snuggle' 

dreamxd: things change so fast 

404notfound: this is so depressing :/ 

dreamxd: stfu you broke my heart too 

quacktitty: george is such a dumb bitch, you don't deserve him 

dreamxd: thanks quackity 

404notfound: what the fuck 

fundy: LMAO 

404notfound: oh so you've come back for more then 

dreamxd: fundy dont listen to him 

technoblade: hello, i am only here to ask sapnap to go out to the field. practice started 23 minutes ago. you're late. 

sadnaphours: its sunday?? 

technoblade: it's monday. 

sadnaphours: fuck 

sadnaphours: can you tell punz that i dont feel well 

technoblade: no. i hate men who play sports. 

womanmagnet5000: at least they do something other than play mc all day 

technoblade: sorry i thought the mc streamer was talking for a second 

womanmagnet5000: i play basketball too 

womanmagnet5000: they call me lebron james 

wilbysot: they call you useless but ok ig 

sadnaphours: lol 

skepeepee: dw sap i'll tell punz that ur busy 

skepeepee: wink wink 

sadnaphours: no oh my god just tell him im sick 

skepeepee: add him to the gc?? 

sadnaphours: NO. 

skepeepee: ohh okay i got u 

sadnaphours: thank god 

**welcome _punz_ to 'lol funny'! **

sadnaphours: ah fuck 

punz: hey nick 

honkkarl: hi punz!! 

punz: karl! how are you doing? is sapnap with you? 

honkkarl: no, he's sick so i cant see him rn 

punz: thats a shame bc i thought i saw you walking into his dorm earlier but 

honkkarl: what?? that wasn't me what the honk 

punz: huh. maybe he's cheating on you. 

dreamxd: nope. that was actually my friend 

404notfound: yeah it was me 

fundy: that was me 

punz: right.. 

404notfound: fundy, lmao uhh no it wasn't? 

fundy: i think you're getting your places mixed up again, george :) 

fundy: being colourblind doesn't make you actually blind 

punz: so it was karl then? 

404notfound: no 

fundy: no. 

dreamxd: um 

sadnaphours: smiles 

honkkarl: uh anyways hows practice going? 

punz: not great when you're missing a player 

quacktitty: hey punz 

punz: alex, hey 

punz: i heard about schlatt, u doing ok? 

quacktitty: what do you think 

quacktitty: i knew football players were fucking stupid but god 

punz: right. thank you. 

quacktitty: wasn't a compliment but ur welcome 

honkkarl: you have to excuse him, he's going through the 3rd stage of grief rn

punz: nah its cool i get it 

quacktitty: oh, do you? do you really? 

sadnaphours: quackity please 

quacktitty: shut the fuck up sapnap 

quacktitty: we should kiss 

404notfound: hey now lets not get too hasty here 

quacktitty: george go have a bitch fight with fundy or something, im busy 

dreamxd: i could fill in for sap if you want 

punz: oh shit? 

dreamxd: i played back in high school so 

punz: that's interesting, why didn't you continue? 

sadnaphours: dont even try punz, i've been trying to get him to play again since freshmen year 

dreamxd: it wasn't my thing after a while 

punz: well we could really use a backup rn since sapnap is 'sick' 

sadnaphours: i literally am 

sadnaphours: achoo 

technoblade: we're messaging each other, you don't have to type out a sneeze. 

sadnaphours: coughs on techno 

skepeepee: LOL

404notfound: dream playing football? LMAO 

dreamxd: george shutting the fuck up? LMAO 

quacktitty: get his ass bestie 

fundy: dream would never treat me like this 

404notfound: he's only comfortable insulting his friends! i guess you didn't make the cut? 

punz: OH SHIT 

quacktitty: GET HIS ASS GOGMEISTER 

skepeepee: FURRY SLANDER 

dreamxd: i'll be down with you in a minute punz 

punz: tell sapnap to feel better 

dreamxd: im not with him rn 

sadnaphours: im right here 

honkkarl: oh yeah, where did you go when we kicked you out? 

honkkarl: i mean not 'we' lol uh i meant when sapnap kicked you out 

fundy: you're gonna love this one george!! 

404notfound: what 

dreamxd: yeah sorry i went to chill with fundy 

404notfound: my dorm was free but whatever 

technoblade: is wilbur not there? 

404notfound: theatre thing 

womanmagnet5000: fucking nerd 

quacktitty: whats it like being someones second choice george 

quacktitty: couldn't be me 

quacktitty: :') 

honkkarl: okay quackity i think thats enough social media for today 

quacktitty: are u gonna drug me 

skepeepee: WHAT 

womanmagnet5000: u should really stop saying it like that man 

honkkarl: sleeping pills guys 

404notfound: i'll take some 

404notfound: maybe i'll wake up from this nightmare 

sadnaphours: george's emo arc 

dreamxd: LOL 

404notfound: shut up 

dreamxd: i know one way you can shut me up 

404notfound: oh yeah? 

dreamxd: yeah we can do it rn 

_**dreamxd** _ **has** **removed _404notfound_**

quacktitty: YOU DIDNT HAVE TO DO HIM LIKE THAT LMAOOO 

dreamxd: hes gonna be really pissed with me but its fine 

**404notfound, dreamxd**

404notfound: you are such an idiot add me back 

dreamxd: what did you think we were gonna do, huh? 

404notfound: shut the fuck up 

dreamxd: tell me first :) 

404notfound: it literally doesnt matter 

dreamxd: tell me you wanted to kiss me 

dreamxd: say it <3 

404notfound: i dont. i fucking hate you. 

dreamxd: :(( 

404notfound: go kiss fundy since you prefer his company now 

dreamxd: doesn't feel great, does it? 

404notfound: weren't you gonna wait 

dreamxd: i'm still waiting, i just never said i was gonna stop hanging out with fundy 

404notfound: do you like him :/ 

dreamxd: as a friend, yeah 

404notfound: does he know that? 

dreamxd: yes, george. he's literally screwing with you, it's hilarious 

404notfound: you're kidding me 

dreamxd: im not 

404notfound: you're such a dick 

dreamxd: well apparently you 'don't even like me.' so idk didn't think you'd care 

404notfound: you know i like you 

dreamxd: yeah. i do :) 

dreamxd: just wanted to hear you say it :) 

404notfound: can u add me back now 

dreamxd: later i have to see punz 

404notfound: oh my god 

dreamxd: give it an hour. take one of your long ass naps. 

404notfound: i was planning to 

dreamxd: i'll come over after and we can play minecraft 

404notfound: are you bringing your whole pc or something? 

dreamxd: don't you still have that crappy xbox? 

404notfound: i refuse to play on that 

dreamxd: it'll be fun. see you soon! 

404notfound: ugh 


	20. titties :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> taking gf applications /j 
> 
> unless,,??

**lol funny**

tubbees: b 

womanmagnet5000: ??? o? 

sadnaphours: o 

skepeepee: B 

punz: i 

justaminx: e B) 

honkkarl: s?? lol 

ranbootypes: was this planned 

tubbees: i wus tring to tipe bees 

skepeepee: we all jst shair 1 branecell 

technoblade: do you think share is spelt like chair 

skepeepee: wht if chair is spelt lik chare 

technoblade: it's not. 

womanmagnet5000: i have seen boobies before 

sadnaphours: that makes one of us 

womanmagnet5000: lol sapnap is a loser and gets no women 

sadnaphours: i dont need any women, tommy 

womanmagnet5000: everyone needs women 

tubbees: evryone needs women 

sadnaphours: i have a boyfriend

womanmagnet5000: didnt ask 

honkkarl: LMAO ANY ASKERS? 

dreamxd: checked a 5 mile radius and still havent found one 

404notfound: 0 askers. there are actually 0 askers 

sadnaphours: thanks guys i love being backed up by my bf and best friends 

404notfound: wdym best friends?? :/ 

dreamxd: LMAO 

dreamxd: george doesnt have any friends sap, we all know this 

sadnaphours: shit sorry forgot 

404notfound: wait what 

womanmagnet5000: gogy does not get any bitches either lol saddo much 

dreamxd: i can change that if you want me to george 

skepeepee: o so were feelin bald today 

technoblade: did you mean bold? 

tubbees: same difernece 

skepeepee: tubbo gets me 

honkkarl: not the bald 

muffinboyhalo: sigh 

skepeepee: bad is bald 

technoblade: elaborate? 

skepeepee: srry i dnt speek spanish 

dreamxd: tbh it could go both ways 

muffinboyhalo: im not bald :( 

skepeepee: yes u are ur very brave 

technoblade: it's bold not bald 

fundy: do you guys know what else is bald 

404notfound: idk? ur fursona?? 

sadnaphours: he really went there 

**welcome _jackmanifol_ to 'lol funny'! **

jackmanifol: hello 

skepeepee: are u bald 

jackmanifol: thanks 

skepeepee: i assed u a qkweston 

jackmanifol: are u okay 

wilbysot: we dont understand him either :) 

dreamxd: hey wilbur, are you free? 

wilbysot: why?? are we about to kiss rn dreamy? 

dreamxd: fuck dm me rn

sadnaphours: is this what love is 

technoblade: i wouldn't know 

womanmagnet5000: wil can do better than stinky dream 

wilbysot: i really couldnt 

honkkarl: i thought u and niki,, 

womanmagnet5000: they are. yes. they are boyfriend and girlfriend. 

justaminx: bark woof growl fuck off 

wilbysot: tommy's the reason why i'm single 

womanmagnet5000: i thought u wanted me to be ur wingman 

wilbysot: i specifically told you to shut the fuck up 

womanmagnet5000: instructions unclear 

tubbees: is ths y pokimane is scarred of u 

womanmagnet5000: all women are scared of me. 

dreamxd: :/ 

womanmagnet5000: dream knows nothing about women lol 

dreamxd: i do 

womanmagnet5000: oh really? then why did yours leave you LMAO 

technoblade: i don't feel bad for laughing 

sadnaphours: too soon tommy 

wilbysot: wdym 'too soon' its been a year :|

dreamxd: 

404notfound: dream said no thoughts head empty 

wilbysot: he really did 

wilbysot: wanna go on a date 

dreamxd: what 

wilbysot: i'll take ur mind off her bae *bites lip* 

sadnaphours: NOT THE BITES LIP 

dreamxd: when he's a chad :hearteyes: 

dreamxd: where are we eating shawty 

wilbysot: pizza hut, my love <3 

dreamxd: ur so hot count me in 

honkkarl: can i come :) 

dreamxd: did we ask you to come 

wilbysot: no. 

sadnaphours: dont listen to them karl we can go to pizza hut by ourselves 

honkkarl: okay sap :( 

404notfound: what just happened 

wilbysot: oh shit sorry did i just steal your man? yeah whoops oh well 

wilbysot: god oopsie didnt mean to omg *twirls hair* 

skepeepee: pack it up paris hilton 

dreamxd: you can watch from the window or something george :) 

sadnaphours: NOT THE WINDOW 

womanmagnet5000: if u go on a date with dream, i dont wanna be ur brother anymore

wilbysot: oh fuck.. really? 

womanmagnet5000: yeah 

wilbysot: ok 

wilbysot: see u tomorrow at 3 dream 

technoblade: LMAO 

quacktitty: i remember when i was loved 

honkkarl: hi quackity 

quacktitty: hi dumb bitch, how are my leftovers? 

404notfound: you guys cant see me rn but i just slapped my hand on my mouth 

dreamxd: fuck. slap me on your mouth 

sadnaphours: keep it pg dream 

dreamxd: i am keeping it pg :/ 

sadnaphours: dont say it. 

dreamxd: im keeping it pretty gay 

wilbysot: hes keeping it pretty gay 

sadnaphours: i cant do this today 

tubbees: what dose quacity mean by leftovers 

honkkarl: dw about it tubbo :) 

honkkarl: quackity is just jealous that im happy and he isnt 

quacktitty: you did not just go there. 

jackmanifol: i think he just did 

quacktitty: im sorry and who the fuck are you? 

jackmanifol: you but better, probably 

quacktitty: right who the fuck is this 

honkkarl: my new best friend 

womanmagnet5000: thats jack manifold 

quacktitty: do a jack and hit the road 

wilbysot: quackity loses his mind (real!) 

quacktitty: LMAO UR SO FUNNY 

quacktitty: im gonna shoot you 

wilbysot: shit sorry i didnt know schlatt left his gun with you 

dreamxd: i wonder how hes doing 

fundy: wonder no further, dream 

**welcome _jschlong_ to 'lol funny'! **

womanmagnet5000: oop 


	21. bitches im back

**lol funny**

jschlong: missed me, didn't you? 

wilbysot: hi schlatt 

jschlong: hi wil, still got a fat ass? 

wilbysot: still got a small penis? 

jschlong: you know it bae <3 

dreamxd: small dick arc 

jschlong: speaking of small penises, how are you doing george? 

404notfound: why is it always me :/ 

honkkarl: you're british 

sadnaphours: and colorblind 

jschlong: george say stupid 

404notfound: stupid 

punz: dont you mean schewpid 

jschlong: george are ya facken schewpid 

punz: need some wotah? 

jschlong: yo george whats brexit 

womanmagnet5000: i'll stand up for you george 

_**404notfound**_ **left 'lol funny'!**

womanmagnet5000: well that was fucking rude 

dreamxd: i'll go console him 

jschlong: speaking of simps, sapnap? 

sadnaphours: i gladly simp for karl 

jschlong: .. 

jschlong: okay virgin, anyways 

sadnaphours: WHAT 

jschlong: karl, my offer still stands baby ;) 

honkkarl: what offer 

sadnaphours: what offer? 

jschlong: sapnap, i didn't ask you to speak so shut that sexy mouth of yours up 

jschlong: i'll buy you a plane ticket to me babe, just say the words karl 

honkkarl: no thank you 

jschlong: okay 

jschlong: call me 

sadnaphours: he said no 

jschlong: just in case he changes his mind 

quacktitty: hi 

jschlong: hey 

jschlong: dms? 

quacktitty: lmao sorry i wasnt talking to you 

jschlong: you didn't exactly specify 

quacktitty: thats big coming from you. 

jschlong: do you know what else is big? 

honkkarl: why are you slipping in a dick joke rn,, 

jschlong: the sex grind never stops 

quacktitty: great to know. 

jschlong: wait no i didnt mean it like that 

quacktitty: whatever i couldnt care less :/ 

quacktitty: sapnaps my boyfriend now 

honkkarl: what. 

sadnaphours: what? 

jschlong: what the fuck 

quacktitty: lmao babe ur so silly 

quacktitty: it doesnt even matter tho bc he treats me so well, right? 

sadnaphours: um yeah? 

honkkarl: dont fucking go along with it 

sadnaphours: what the hell am i supposed to do 

jschlong: hold on 

skepeepee: who tf is that 

jackmanifol: idk anyways do you guys wanna hear a funny story? 

wilbysot: yes. 

_**incoming call from jschlong** _

that was the last thing quackity was expecting to pop up on his screen. 

his thumb hovers over the decline button for approximately 2 seconds before his own hand betrays him and slides over to the accept option. 

quackity closes his eyes and debates on whether or not he should send his phone flying to the wall. 

he doesn't. 

schlatt's "hello" tempts him not to. 

"what do you want?" 

"i wasn't really expecting you to pick up so i'm not sure where to go from here." 

quackity rolls his eyes, "okay. bye." 

"wait, no," schlatt quickly calls out to him. quackity never really planned on hanging up. 

there's a small silence and a shuffle from the other line. schlatt sounded like he was in bed, quackity thought. obviously not like he cared or anything, he was just making an observation since it sounded like schlatt was moving between his sheets. 

quackity straightens out his beanie as he waits. it's a blue one that he bought 4 years ago for 2 dollars at a market. schlatt always tried buying him better quality ones to wear, and quackity did for a couple days before resorting back to his crappy ones. quackity never wanted to change into one of them so bad until now. 

schlatt clears his throat, "it's colder here." 

"okay." 

"beds emptier." 

"that's a surprise."

schlatt chuckles, "yeah."

"yeah." quackity repeats. 

he bunches up his shorts with his left hand as he waits for another reply. schlatt bought him these, now that he remembers. 

to think of it, schlatt bought him a lot of things. 

quackity's pulling at the creases in them when schlatt speaks again. 

"i miss you." 

he misses him too. 

"that's cool." 

he doesn't want him to know it. 

schlatt sighs, "are you not picking up what i'm putting down here?" 

quackity flops his upper body down onto his mattress, phone to his ear, "not really, no." 

he stares up at the ceiling. 

he's stared up at the ceiling quite a lot while being here, a lot of them were when schlatt was in here too. 

quackity closes his eyes to forget the memories. 

"i want you back." 

they snap open. 

"what?" 

"i'm not saying it again." 

_you're not worth being told it twice_ , quackity thinks is what schlatt is telling him. 

his mind is fighting the urge to take him back right away. 

"why?" 

"what do you mean why?" 

"harvard not treating you well?" quackity's tone is harsh. 

schlatt clicks his tongue, "stop being like that." 

"you chose to go, not me." 

"i would have let you." 

"we aren't the same, then." 

schlatt's laugh is cold. 

quackity lets it linger for a bit. he's savouring that laugh for as long as he can have it. 

"i don't really feel like fighting," schlatt says. 

quackity hums. 

how nice of him to clarify. 

"why did you call?" 

he doesn't get a reply. 

"normal people plan to have a conversation when they call people, did you know?" quackity adds. the silence is unbearable, especially when their previous talks were bustling with jokes and laughter. 

it stings just a little more knowing that what they had went as fast as it started. 

"why won't you take me back?" 

"you really don't get to just call me and say that." 

"do i not?" 

quackity knows schlatt's wearing that dumb smirk he always hated to love. 

"no. i wouldn't think so." 

schlatt differs, "i think so." 

"you don't make the rules here, schlatt." 

"i wasn't told there was a rule book on breakups." 

there should be. 

quackity turns to his side, bringing his legs up onto the bed. his fingers slowly trace the patterns on his covers. 

schlatt said his old covers looked like a tampon wrapper so they got new ones together. he bites back a smile at the thought. 

"so it's true then." 

quackity raises an eyebrow, "what?" 

he hears schlatt lean back against something, "sapnap has really taken you away from me." 

it's too late for quackity to stifle a laugh. 

"yeah, that's why i can't take you back. definitely." 

schlatt sniffs and fakes a sob, "tell me, quackity, is he thanging?" 

quackity blinks, "is he _what_?" 

"is he thanging?" 

no because what the fuck does that mean? he's got no choice but to go along with it, though. 

"of course he's thanging." 

" _fuck_." schlatt groans dramatically, "and how is karl taking all of this? he single now?" 

quackity really can't believe he's doing this again.

"nope. we're all dating." 

"hm." 

schlatt takes a moment to think about what that might be like. 

he grins. 

"you seem to be doing better without me." 

quackity nods before remembering schlatt couldn't see him and replies with a quick, "yeah," he smiles, "haven't been crying over you at all." 

"bummer. i've been crying buckets over here." 

"really?" 

"really. been drinking my feelings away and yelling at inanimate objects a lot too." 

quackity doesn't think about if he's lying or not. it just comforts him knowing that schlatt might actually miss him as much as he misses schlatt. 

he pulls his beanie off and runs his hands through his hair, "that's too bad." 

schlatt hums in agreement. 

"never thought i'd miss someone with a flat ass so badly." 

quackity audibly gasps, "what the hell, you said you were joking when you called me flatty patty." 

"got no reason to lie now since we aren't together." schlatt says, "don't have'ta please you." 

"you didn't please me much when we were together, to be honest here." 

schlatt sounds like he didn't like that response very much, "mm. could change that now if we tried again." 

quackity gently bit onto his tongue. 

"how about no and we can call the heartbreak even?" 

"how about yes and i can mend that little heart of yours instead?" 

well, that was a hard offer to refuse. 

it took all it had in quackity. 

he sat back up on his bed and stretched, looking outside at the now-setting sun.

"it was nice talking to you, schlatt." 

there was a shout on the other line and then the call ended. 

they could continue that conversation another time. quackity was tired and didn't want to think about relationships for a while. 


	22. hornpub

**lol funny**

wilbysot: its so big 

_\- wilbysot has attached an image._

jschlong: fuck babe dont send my nudes on here 

wilbysot: dont ruin this for me, schlatt. 

sadnaphours: what the fuck is happening 

wilbysot: open the photo 

honkkarl: its just a slice of pizza thank god 

wilbysot: its a big slice of pizza 

404notfound: is that dream in the background 

wilbysot: oh oops sorry you meant uh this dream? 

\- _wilbysot has attached an image._

wilbysot: shit sorry you mean this dream? your bf who i stole?? that dream??? 

technoblade: could you bring back some takeaway for me 

404notfound: techno, do you wanna go to pizza hut with me? 

wilbysot: what. 

dreamxd: WHAT 

technoblade: i appreciate the proper use of punctuation in that sentence but i think i'd rather wait for wilbur 

404notfound: i'll pay :] 

technoblade: okay, what time? 

dreamxd: no get the fuck away from him you dumb bitch 

wilbysot: don't call my brother a dumb bitch

wilbysot: only tommy can do that 

womanmagnet5000: yeah so shut it green boy. 

jschlong: do you guys think i should do porn for a living 

technoblade: and this is when i leave 

jschlong: no? 

justaminx: go for it, i'd pay for that shit 

jschlong: you single, minx? ;) 

justaminx: sadly 

justaminx: wait why ;)) 

jschlong: just a vid idea for the future 

wilbysot: i just wanted george to know i was with his bf wtf has this turned into 

404notfound: hes not my boyfriend 

dreamxd: more reason for wilbur to kiss me then 

wilbysot: if you insist dream <3

quacktitty: schlatt why are you thinking of pursuing porn and where can i sign 

jschlong: i didnt think about the tuition fees and your boy is running out of money faster than i can make it

honkkarl: serves u right 

jschlong: karl, u wanna make a guest appearance on my onlyfans? 

sadnaphours: we're a package deal 

jschlong: more than okay with me 

honkkarl: :/ 

ranbootypes: has tubbo been here 

404notfound: no srry 

womanmagnet5000: he's not allowed on his phone rn 

ranbootypes: what did you do 

womanmagnet5000: WHAT I DIDNT DO SHIT 

dreamxd: LMAOOOO 

womanmagnet5000: how was i supposed to know i wasn't supposed to talk about boobs when his mum was in the room 

ranbootypes: you what 

womanmagnet5000: I DIDNT KNOW SHE WAS THERE 

womanmagnet5000: WOMEN THESE DAYS 

wilbysot: that sounds heavily sexist 

womanmagnet5000: NONONONO WOMEN I LOVE YOU 

jschlong: and their tits. fucking awesome tits, ladies. 

jschlong: a-class. 

ranbootypes: goodbye 

nikuwu: lets respect womens bodies guys 

jschlong: thats literally what im doing 

jschlong: tits are hot, dont you think so niki? 

wilbysot: schlatt oh my god 

jschlong: you've got nice tits too wil :) 

sadnaphours: cant believe quackity put up with you for 2 years 

jschlong: says a lot about you, doesn't it? 

honkkarl: what does that mean 

sadnaphours: nothing, karl 

jschlong: no come on 

jschlong: bit embarrassing quackity settled for me and not you when given the choice 

quacktitty: why are you still on this 

dreamxd: wait what 

jschlong: but thats okay because now he's snatched up karl, isn't that right pretty boy? 

honkkarl: are you doing alright schlatt 

jschlong: would be doing way better with you on my arm 

fundy: are you only an asshole when you're single 

jschlong: fundy! my gun misses you :) 

_\- jschlong has attached a video._

fundy: NO BECAUSE WHY ARE YOU COCKING IT 

dreamxd: no because he's in a completely different state but im still pissing my pants 

wilbysot: just eat your pizza and look away dream 

skepeepee: cn i hav sum 

dreamxd: buy your own pizza 

technoblade: and an english tutor while you're at it 

muffinboyhalo: why dont you be his english tutor o.O 

technoblade: no 

dreamxd: good idea, bad! 

technoblade: no. 

skepeepee: ull get paid 

technoblade: okay 

technoblade: 15 dollars an hour 

muffinboyhalo: oh my gosh what 

technoblade: have you seen his spelling? 

skepeepee: hw abot 5 dolara 

wilbysot: :| 

technoblade: 10 dollars. 

skepeepee: 2 

technoblade: thats not how this works. 

skepeepee: it is in my house. 

dreamxd: do 1 next 

skepeepee: gud idea 

skepeepee: 1 dolars 

technoblade: 7.50 

muffinboyhalo: i can pay for u skeppy uwu 

skepeepee: no 

skepeepee: 1.50 

technoblade: 7.50 and i won't stab bad 

skepeepee: idk... 

muffinboyhalo: WHAT? SKEPPY. 

sadnaphours: dont bring bbh into this you sicko 

skepeepee: 5 dola nd i strt usng artocroect 

technoblade: 10 dollars and i won't tell the school what a horrible mistake they made letting you in, with proof to back me up. 

philza: techno. 

skepeepee: ok deal 

technoblade: capitalism 

philza: that's not capitalism. 

technoblade: it should be

ranbootypes: capitalism is dead 

jschlong: hey, lets not get too hasty here. 

dreamxd: you literally asked if you should do porn 

jschlong: people need backups, dream. 

dreamxd: you could always become a twitch streamer

jschlong: LMAO 

jschlong: who the fuck do you think i am? a loser? 

wilbysot: well thats my backup plan gone 

technoblade: i dont mind being a loser if its for the right price 

honkkarl: i think streaming is cool :) 

jschlong: yeah. porn streams. 

sadnaphours: is everything about sex to you 

jschlong: yes??? you fucking idiot what the fuck do you think ive been on about this whole time

404notfound: doesnt karl have a rich friend 

jschlong: uh yeah? me? 

404notfound: no, not you. 

jschlong: listen man im sorry for making fun of your accent 

jschlong: it was.. 

jschlong: ..schewpid of me 

404notfound: . 

_**404notfound** _ **left 'lol funny'!**

sadnaphours: george isn't used to getting made fun of 

dreamxd: the pretty privilege has gotten to him

quacktitty: oh? so you think he's pretty?? 

dreamxd: not what i said 

jschlong: so you don't think george is pretty? shit, kinda harsh dude 

dreamxd: thats not what i said either 

wilbysot: so he is pretty? 

sadnaphours: we could go on for hours, dream. 

sadnaphours: unless you wanna admit it,, 

honkkarl: george isn't here so he'll never know :) 

dreamxd: you guys kinda suck im ngl 

jschlong: not true, i actually swallow 

technoblade: sigh. 

sadnaphours: i think george is pretty 

honkkarl: me too, he has nice eyes 

jschlong: i think george is a little bitch 

fundy: me too! 

jschlong: would fuck though 

fundy: wtf 

quacktitty: wtf.

jschlong: :) 

dreamxd: um anyways.. 

**welcome _404notfound_ to 'lol funny'! **

dreamxd: i think george is pretty too 

dreamxd: OH COME ON. 

sadnaphours: HAHA YES PERFECT TIMING LETS FUCKING GOOOO 

404notfound: were you guys talking about me? 

jschlong: yeah, we're gonna have sex :) 

404notfound: what 

quacktitty: we tried to stop it george im sorry 

404notfound: guys what 

jschlong: whips out penis 

womanmagnet5000: WHAT THE FUCK 

sadnaphours: no im out bye guys 

technoblade: so much pain. 

honkkarl: is it hard to be pg friendly 

jschlong: yes but you know whats also hard?? 

wilbysot: don't say it. 

jschlong: okay wilbur whatever you say ;) 

quacktitty: you're such an idiot 

jschlong: i can be your idiot.. 

womanmagnet5000: crinj 

dreamxd: it's cringe. 

womanmagnet5000: it's i didnt ask 

jschlong: i lied when i said you didnt have a fat ass babe come back to me 

jschlong: i love ur ass 

technoblade: maybe i dont like romcoms after all 

jschlong: lets make out under the rain 

jschlong: wait... 

wilbysot: no. 

jschlong: lets eat out under the rain babe!!!! 

quacktitty: babe.. 

jschlong: babe... 

quacktitty: thats so hot babe 

jschlong: fuck ur so hot babe 

jschlong: are we about to.. 

quacktitty: .. kiss rn?? 

jschlong: licks lips 

quacktitty: leans in 

sadnaphours: no because what the fuck is this 

jschlong: our lips touch 

quacktitty: makes out 

technoblade: this is my 13th reason. 

ranbootypes: this is being sent to my therapist guys 

jschlong: eats face 

quacktitty: moans 

wilbysot: HELP NOT THE VORE 

404notfound: no because why are they still going 

jschlong: grabs waist 

quacktitty: grabs penis 

tubbees: wat.. 

womanmagnet5000: TUBBO NO LOOK AWAY 

ranbootypes: TUBBO ITS NOT TOO LATE TO TURN OFF YOUR PHONE. 

fundy: why are we roleplaying 

404notfound: you probably like it. 

404notfound: raven king of darkness/furry/cool/mean boy/steals bfs/bitch 

jschlong: throws against wall 

dreamxd: why is it still going on in the background 

quacktitty: pulls at hair 

sadnaphours: george that 'steals bfs' part is kinda specific huh 

404notfound: no its not.

jschlong: lifts up 

quacktitty: wraps legs around waist 

fundy: 'we have fifty shades of grey at home:' 

dreamxd: lets give them privacy 

technoblade: i've learnt to tune it out. 

tubbees: is this what they call phone sex 

ranbootypes: no, tubbo. don't even worry about it. 

philza: tommy told me to come here. 

technoblade: father make them stop 

jschlong: grabs ass 

quacktitty: bites lip 

philza: what the fuck is that 

wilbysot: dw guys i have a solution 

wilbysot: we just pour so much bleach in our eyes that we either die or become blind 

fundy: its a good thing to be colourblind rn 

404notfound: are you fucking stupid 

jschlong: babe im so sorry to put a stop to this but 

jschlong: george, don't you mean schewpid? 

404notfound: i know you did not just stop your weird roleplay to make fun of me. 

jschlong: smiles


	23. george

**404notfound, sadnaphours**

404notfound: hi 

sadnaphours: thats all i get?? ur so dry dude 

404notfound: im not 

sadnaphours: whatever u say georgie poo 

sadnaphours: what do u want pretty boy ;) 

404notfound: i feel bad 

sadnaphours: dont we all 

404notfound: are you not gonna ask why 

sadnaphours: oh fuck sorry did u want me to? 

404notfound: this conversation would be really pointless if you didnt 

sadnaphours: oh 

sadnaphours: okay, why? 

404notfound: you know when you said like you know 

sadnaphours: what 

404notfound: when we were talking about dream and me and you said stuff? you know?? 

sadnaphours: i really dont know, george 

404notfound: um 

404notfound: do you think hes stopped liking me 

sadnaphours: no 

404notfound: thats all? 

sadnaphours: you fucking asked, not me 

sadnaphours: hes in love with you, it'd be real hard to get over you this quick 

404notfound: i wanna think that but hes talking to wilbur and that a lot now :/ 

sadnaphours: okay? is he not allowed to be close with people? 

404notfound: im not saying that 

404notfound: its just like 

404notfound: its like what you said about being too late or something and then wishing you could have done something 

sadnaphours: ohhh 

sadnaphours: dream's still single dude, ask him out before someone else does 

404notfound: do you think i should 

sadnaphours: why the hell are you asking me 

sadnaphours: do YOU think you should?? 

404notfound: uhh 

404notfound: you know what? yeah, i do think i should 

404notfound: i really like him 

sadnaphours: fuck yeah go get your man 

sadnaphours: ngl this is so exciting i've been watching yall simp for each other for too fucking long and something is finally happening 

404notfound: should i dm him now 

sadnaphours: yeah, he just sent a message to the gc so hes online :) 

404notfound: what did he put in the gc 

sadnaphours: who the fuck cares?? go get him tiger 

404notfound: right yeah okay 

404notfound: thanks sap i love u 

sadnaphours: NO WAY U SAID IT FIRST 

sadnaphours: LOVE U TOO GEORGIE MWAH KISS KISS SMOOCH 

**lol funny**

quacktitty: and thats when ranboo called me a bitch 

ranbootypes: i really did no such thing 

dreamxd: do u have the receipts to prove?? 

quacktitty: no but i will send schlatt on ur ass if u deny it one more time ranboo 

fundy: wait are u and schlatt like 

dreamxd: yeah, whats happening there? 

quacktitty: i sure hope we arent fucking together again, i have a date tomorrow and thats gonna be real awkward 

ranbootypes: lmao 

ranbootypes: does schlatt know that tho 

dreamxd: i mean im all for the drama 

fundy: tell me about it. this gc has no sense of privacy. 

dreamxd: you're so right fundy 

quacktitty: schlatt can wait his turn :) 

ranbootypes: i really dont think thats how you should go about it 

quacktitty: wtf do u know about love dumb bitch 

ranbootypes: probably more than u 

fundy: get his ass ranboo 

dreamxd: didnt you get married to tubbo in mc 

ranbootypes: yeah. its a platonic marriage and even we're doing better than schlatt and quackity 

fundy: OOOOOH 

quacktitty: i know you arent talking. 

ranbootypes: relationships arent for everyone 

quacktitty: we'd be fine if schlatt didnt leave me for harvard 

ranbootypes: okay? he didn't exactly leave you, he wanted to do long distance 

ranbootypes: if anything, you left him lol 

dreamxd: oh shit? 

quacktitty: what the fuck did you just say to me 

ranbootypes: its harvard. it's an ivy league. i would murder half of my bloodline to go there. 

ranbootypes: also you two clearly still care about each other, why not work through it? 

quacktitty: i dont trust him anymore

ranbootypes: and why is that? 

fundy: why is this a therapy session 

ranbootypes: im reciting everything my therapist has told me 

ranbootypes: is it working 

dreamxd: yes keep going 

404notfound: um 

dreamxd: hi george :) 

quacktitty: george they're bullying me 

404notfound: good 

404notfound: dream dms pls 

jschlong: i know you arent shitting on quackity, ranboo. 

ranbootypes: uh 

jschlong: *cocks gun* 

fundy: SERPENTINE, RANBOO.

**404notfound, dreamxd**

dreamxd: i was about to text you tbh 

404notfound: oh so this is good timing huh 

dreamxd: yeah, i have something to ask you but you can go first

dreamxd: what do you wanna talk about 

404notfound: i have something to tell you

dreamxd: exciting 

404notfound: what do you wanna ask? 

dreamxd: nah its alright, you can go first 

404notfound: nono its okay i just wanna make sure we're on the right page 

dreamxd: why? what are you gonna tell me? 

404notfound: you first 

dreamxd: alright well

dreamxd: i know i said i would wait and shit but 

404notfound: oh actually about that 

dreamxd: would you mind if i asked fundy out on a date 

404notfound: oh 

dreamxd: yeah, i just didnt wanna like just ask him without you knowing bc of whats been going on

dreamxd: is that okay? 

404notfound: you dont need my permission to date someone 

dreamxd: no, im just saying bc im still in love with you

dreamxd: like so deeply, its concerning 

dreamxd: fundys just in case though, bc i dont wanna be stuck on you forever 

404notfound: oh

dreamxd: did i say the wrong thing?? im sorry, i shouldnt have even asked 

404notfound: its fine 

404notfound: do what you want, dream 

dreamxd: it doesnt sound very fine 

404notfound: well it is, i mean it has to be fine, right? 

404notfound: and if you think it isnt fine then dont fucking ask him out. its really only your decision, you know? so who cares?? i definitely dont fucking care, i couldnt care less what the hell you do. 

dreamxd: george 

404notfound: no, go ask him out. i'm sure he'd say yes bc who the fuck wouldn't say yes? they'd be such a fucking idiot to not say yes as soon as they can because fuck. 

404notfound: maybe you'll fall in love with him 

404notfound: nvm i gtg its whatever 

dreamxd: what did you wanna tell me? 

404notfound: it doesnt matter 

404notfound: i'll tell you later 

dreamxd: why not now 

404notfound: i think i'd rather be left alone right now 

dreamxd: are you okay? 

404notfound: yeah, its fine. cya 

dreamxd: you can talk to me about it 

404notfound: i was planning to but its pointless now 

404notfound: anyways tell me how the date goes. i love you. 

dreamxd: love u too :) 

**lol funny**

jschlong: and thats why its all completely my fault that we broke up 

ranbootypes: you'd really be held accountable for all of that? 

jschlong: yes. 

jschlong: quackity didnt do anything 

jschlong: im in love with him, your honour 

fundy: man that was kinda sweet 

quacktitty: you're such an idiot 

jschlong: im telling the truth 

quacktitty: do you really mean that? 

jschlong: yes 

jschlong: and its not bc i wanna have sex with u rn 

jschlong: which i do but thats for another time 

ranbootypes: i suddenly dont want to be here anymore 

quacktitty: im not gonna cancel my date for you, schlatt 

jschlong: are u sure 

quacktitty: yes 

jschlong: fuck okay well worth a try 

dreamxd: im back 

fundy: hey dream i think they're about to roleplay again 

dreamxd: goodbye 

quacktitty: nono, schlatts just been idfk 

quacktitty: maybe he's high, he's being nice to everyone 

jschlong: apart from fundy, fuck fundy. 

fundy: wtf 

jschlong: ahaha jk we should have sex 

jschlong: show me the furry ways

jschlong: do i get to wear a fursuit too 

jschlong: is there a penis hole 

sadnaphours: every fucking time i open this chat. 

fundy: im not a furry 

dreamxd: you'd be sexy either way 

quacktitty: not dream with the furry fetish 

sadnaphours: its honestly better than the piss kink 

dreamxd: i have neither of those things 

jschlong: its okay, dream. don't hide. 

dreamxd: oh come on 

sadnaphours: okay who cares anyways 

sadnaphours: so? did you and george talk?? 

dreamxd: yeah? 

quacktitty: ooooo 

jschlong: wink 

sadnaphours: well?? is it an 'ooooo wink' situation?? 

dreamxd: what 

sadnaphours: wtf do you mean what 

sadnaphours: what did he tell you 

dreamxd: nothing much tbh 

fundy: am i missing something 

dreamxd: yeah actually we were talking about you, funds 

sadnaphours: you what 

jschlong: do you need me to bring the glock out 

sadnaphours: hold fire for a hot minute 

sadnaphours: wdym dream 

dreamxd: uhh well i was gonna do this with roses or something but 

dreamxd: do you wanna go on a date, fundy? 

fundy: deadass? 

sadnaphours: what 

jschlong: *cocks gun* 

quacktitty: oop 

dreamxd: deadass 

fundy: then sure, i'd love to 

sadnaphours: ahaha how nice ahah gtg brb 

quacktitty: you guys should come on a double date with me 

jschlong: can i come 

quacktitty: no. 

jschlong: who tf is this guy anyways 

quacktitty: i cant remember his name but he was sexy 

jschlong: you know my name and im sexy 

jschlong: all the reason for us to date again 

quacktitty: go to a strip club or something, schlatt. 

fundy: yikes 

sadnaphours: hey guys im back :) 

dreamxd: hey sap 

sadnaphours: what was that 

dreamxd: hi??? 

sadnaphours: the wind is so annoying today 

dreamxd: we're literally texting each other 

sadnaphours: god fuck theres something in my eye 

honkkarl: are you okay, nick?? 

quacktitty: we're on a first name basis now?? 

sadnaphours: im so confused karl 

sadnaphours: i think i need to take a nap rn or something 

honkkarl: u can nap with me :) 

sadnaphours: that'd be so nice 

sadnaphours: this is what ur missing out on, dream. 

dreamxd: what 

quacktitty: can i nap with u guys 

jschlong: im right here 

quacktitty: sorry i thought the guy in a different state was talking to me 

jschlong: i'll come back 

quacktitty: for a nap?? 

jschlong: yes 

fundy: SIMP 

jschlong: fundy ur my favourite person here 

jschlong: brb gotta clean my gun for later 

fundy: what. 

jschlong: gonna be doing some hunting 

jschlong: maybe getting some foxes idk 

fundy: . 

jschlong: :) 

ranbootypes: serpentine, fundy 


End file.
